Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
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Top comments
abNormal62 23
Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"
SweetSociopathy 24
Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.
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Comments (63)
Joshawott 21
Misread that as "the nan of my dreams". Now THAT would be an FML.
bradoiler 15
was the sex at least good
ErinRosado 14
So you got six inches... just not in the way you were hoping for.
Matheo_fml 21
Was the sex at least worth it?
ChloeMeyers_Xo 16
Did you actually measure that?
Witchylady 18
Now he is the man of your shitty dreams. That would be a turn off for anyone.
Ava_Darkflame 26
Nauseous.
nightfall8705 33
Clearly he wasn't as confident to go commando as he thought he was.
aliahh7 6
How did you not smell it
aubamas 20
roll call!