Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML
Today, after sleeping with a guy I met at a party, I woke up to find him peeing in the corner of my room on my roommate's carpet. FML
Today, as my boyfriend and I were messing around in his room, he took off my underwear. As he was about to go down on me, I spread my legs to help out. He then looked up at me and said, "You got some toilet paper left behind." FML
Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML
Today, I discovered my new boyfriend doesn’t have toilet paper. He has a toilet cloth, which he instructed me to rinse off in the toilet after I was done. FML
Today, after more than a year of being single, I finally had sex. Unfortunately, it was only in a dream, and after we finished, he told me that I'm terrible in bed. Even my dream-lover is a dick. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend. As I was about to give him head, I saw he had so much left over toilet paper stuck to his nuts. It kind of turned me off but I didn't want to say anything because he's one of the sweetest guys ever. After he nutted, he got up and there was toilet paper crumbs on his bed and ass. FML
Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly, "You need to work on that." We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said, "You need to work on not farting in your sleep." FML
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Top comments
abNormal62 23
Clearly not your "Prince Charmin"
SweetSociopathy 24
Maybe you just rode the shit out of him.
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Comments (63)
PegLegRacing 34
Shit happens...
AyeJay101 25
Just have some foreplay in the shower before you sex it up in the bed. Or just tell him and show him.
shit_fer_luck 8
Gross. She's his screw buddy, not his mother. She shouldn't have to bathe him and show him how to wipe. He's a man, not a child. I don't understand why people don't take more pride in their hygiene. To me, it's like "yeah, you're not important enough to me to wipe my ass for..."
SarahRanee_ 6
eh, maybe its not what you think. maybe he sharted a little in his sleep and didnt notice. IM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS NOT DISGUSTING, because I would throw the **** up. All Im saying is, maybe its not bad hygiene, but rather an accident? either way, its gross. buy some new sheets, and move on lol
lukian_fml 29
Or just wash them..
SarahRanee_ 6
and I mean move on from that guy lol and NOOO you cant just wash them lol ew
Tonymac617 16
I assume you wanted to **** the shit out of him right? Next time how about a shower before sex?
bhfriday 9
So dreamy
CharlesEmersonW 31
Ouch... that sucks :-/ what ever happened to basic hygiene ?
Paws_Cat 29
You measured it?
hberri331 18
ppl are so immature wash or get rid of the sheets and move on.
gintwinsmoore 20
time to hit the road, Jack...and don't you come back no mo'!
Cagara_fml 10
I should learn to stop reading FMLs while I am on my lunch break