Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML
Today, while having sex, my fiancé started talking dirty. I enjoyed it, until he had a brain fart and said, "God, you love fucking my pussy." FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my current booty-call when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed", "moo-ed", and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my boyfriend after some steamy lovemaking, he sat up, slapped my ass with excruciating force, and screamed, "I AM THE THUNDER!" directly into my ear. It seems our senses of humor differ considerably. FML
Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML
Today, I was having the best sex with my husband, and right when I reached climax, he shouted "Abracadabra!" FML
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Top comments
Hermyoni 0
That is funny. Not only because your husband has a pirate fetish but because your neighbors overheard it.
unkinged44 0
also when u have an ****** yell THAR SHE BLOWS
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Comments (184)
GDinNJ 0
Wait...no...I still don't get it... I mean, I get it, I'm not an idiot. But seriously? How does stuff like this get posted? It's not even that funny. Although your husband sounds like he is. But still, not an FML. I literally cannot for the life of me figure out what would make you think this is a really bad thing. I'm sorry your husband has highly amusing choices of fetishes and I'm sorry that he does something when he orgasms. God forbid. Really, I still don't understand how this made it through.
Puolukka 4
It may be an FML for her because...she says she "let it go" because she is "used to his embarrassing pirate talk"...and she is probably letting it go because she loves him and doesn't want something so insignificant come in between their relationship... That doesn't mean she shares his fetish though. They were having sex and he screamed that treasure stuff...and that sure as hell would be a MAJOR turn-off for me...as much as I love my husband, it would totally ruin my mood, especially if he does earlier on during sex. And I also think I wouldn't be too pleased if my neighbors who I probably have to see on a regular basis, know that my husband has a pirate sex fetish o.O
risquredhead 0
this sounds pretty awesome, actually. Sex is fun when you're laughing through it :p
soccerchick02 3
bahahaha, i lol'd
krew951 0
guys dont have orgasms
marissajean42 0
neither do most girls, thanks to guys not being good at their "job" lol
MrTaint 0
Since when is YOUR ******, a man's problem? Jeez.
hello2009 0
i hope you told him not to talk like that anymore lmao
deliapearl 0
cool hubby. nothing like a little role play
waterynuggets 0
Vanilla is boring but I think this is fake anyways
Edenbeam 19
This isn't really a FML. Are they so nosy they knew it wasn't the TV or something? And why does it matter to you so much?
lmow885 0
if u dump ur husband tell him to call me...=)
SweetieLish 0
Thank you for this...it made me laugh.