Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML
Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I got home and I was feeling horny so I leapt on my boyfriend, except he had just got home from a 16-hour day and was too tired. After his nap, he was horny but by that time I was way too tired and no longer horny. This is ridiculous, we can’t even get laid even though we live together. FML
Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
Today my wife told me she really wanted to have sex, and to wait in bed while she got ready. Turns out get ready means do the dishes, feed the dogs, clean the cat's litter tray, phone her sister, make coffee, shower, and wait for the dryer to dry her pyjamas. By the time she got in bed, I'd fallen asleep. FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I haven't had sex for a long time, so when she got out of the shower I was ready on our bed to finally do it. Her response? "Really? Now? I just got out of the shower." FML
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Top comments
abes22 0
should have asked her to come help you..
jasminea 0
show her how tired she really is (;
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Comments (261)
Climaxx 11
Don't think I've ever heard a guy say "I'm too tired"
DoggyDoggWorld 0
OP's girlfriend is not a guy.
Climaxx 11
I never said she was. I simply said "Don't think I've ever heard a guy say "I'm too tired"" Because that was his gfs excuse..
koe4 0
lol chicks know how to use their vaginas to turn men into their puppetz.
StoryOfTheYear 15
It's like men want them, or something
DoggyDoggWorld 0
28 - oh sorry I thought you were referring to somebody. :P
AnxietyGirl 2
Sadly, I've had my boyfriend tell me this before... :/
rainbow_eyes84 0
Me too!
dtbomb 3
Tell the bitch to suck your dick or you will throw her out.
jobsman99 0
that's too bad. my ex wife was that way. that is why she is my ex.
CryMoreFMLs 15
That seems like a lame excuse for a divorce.... Marriage doesn't revolve around sex... Atleast it didn't 20 years ago...
DCFan 9
Lol @ the fact a 16 year old is giving marriage advice. Having a good sex life isn't everything but it's an important part of a strong marriage.
sweetheartxoxo88 7
Maybe she has her period and is tired from the excruciating cramps.
EmilyJoSmyth 4
Good explanation.
tayza249 20
She probably just didn't wanna have sex with you. What right do you have to come home demanding sex from her anyway? Stop moaning and go have a wank
stro88 6
Sounds to me like he didn't demand. Maybe that's why your man is a rubber toy shaped like a phallus :-)
StopDropNRoll 11
He didn't write demand he put asked. And she said no. He was just pissed off at her excuse of being tires because she was at home all day. That's where the fml is
tayza249 20
He sounds pretty demanding to me. He comes home horny and gets pissed coz his girlfriend isn't in the mood, and posts about it on FML. And 53, wtf? I'm 17, can't even legally buy a 'rubber toy shaped like a phallus' if I wanted one, and my boyfriend is flesh and blood. Moron.
MoutainDrewski 0
you just don't understand -_- your quite immature for a 17 year old btw
whirlednews 8
Sure he is...
RandomGirlHere 14
If you're going to act like a brat it's obvious why, it's going to be difficult for you in the future because you're most likely a feminist. A woman's place is where she is making others happy, not being a little bitch who can't get any. He asked and wasn't making a demand. The girlfriend is a little asshole, doing nothing doesn't make you too 'tired' she just didn't want to do shit for her boyfriend.
SeasonedLemur 5
I can honestly say I've never been tired AND horny. If I'm tired there's no way I'm having sex! Sleep > Sex
xlord 27
Look's like OP could use a hand ;)
Legendslayer222 26
Well if you said it like some request then I don't blame her. If that's not the case and she is jut lazing around doing nothing all day and ignoring you then you might have a problem.
adrianm413 0
rape her then. she's too tired to fight back anyway
LTpast 3
You should buy yourself a really expensive sex toy and just use that to piss her off. She'll come around eventually.