Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML
Today, after months of incredibly painful stomach cramps, I convinced my mom that I needed to see a doctor. Not even 2 minutes into the exam, the doctor tells me that I'm heavily constipated and advised some "prune juice" to help "clear all that shit out". My mom won't stop laughing at me. FML
Today, while I was in the bathroom my mom walked in and tried to have a conversation with me about my bowel movements. I'm 23, and this is a regular thing. FML
Today, while playing cards, with my dad, mom and sister, I excused myself to go to the bathroom several times just to secretly chat with my crush. I laughed so hard at a joke that I wet my pants. My family thinks I need to see a doctor because I was going to the bathroom so often between card games. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML
Today, my mom yelled at me for not pooping with the bathroom door open like the rest of the family. FML
Today, after having horrific constipation the day before, I finally got the rock hard turd out of my system. Things got awkward as I cried out in pain and my mom asked me what was wrong. Realizing the dining room and kitchen was nearby, I said "Never mind, it's gross!" I think she figured it out anyways. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I used the upstairs bathroom rather than the downstairs one, which was in close earshot of my parents. When I came out, my mom angrily asked why I used that bathroom. I explained to her that I have shy bladder, and she said, "That’s not a real thing. I can go even with someone watching." FML
Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML
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Top comments
FYLminerocks 7
You mean to jack off right?
bitch_pleez 10
Haha my little brother does sorta the same thing. He locks himself in the bathroom for a couple hours with a book multiple times a day.
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Comments (98)
wittygirl 8
I used to do that, it's stressful living with a bunch of crazies.
berichsoon 11
A lot of people don't see it, but the bathroom is one of the most peaceful places in the world
ycrem0n 21
That's right. The quiet sounds of flowing water, the sweet scent of Glade, the solitude that brings peace, and sometimes the explosive sounds of diarrh--oh wait.
EmoFlowers 19
BAHA. Being a female all these jacking off comments make me smile.
KillSwitch96 18
87-Some women ********** too... Just thought I'd let you know...
ShockwaveXIII 8
Isn't that what bedrooms are for?
calivianya 29
People will follow you into a bedroom if they want to talk. Most people wouldn't follow you into the bathroom, especially if you're saying you're about to take a dump. It's a much better escape.
micahsmommy 13
22- many kids share rooms with siblings. Can't really lock them out if it's their room too.
ClaremoreZebra 8
Do you have some obsession over jacking off? Chill with the details.
LMA0 5
He's just making an observation. If you didn't like it you didn't have to read the duration. Now get outta here before you experience my urination.
LMA0 5
Lol this guy. My vote for next president of our nation.
LMA0 5
If you want my recommendation, I suggest some serious psychoanalyzation. With your inclination to talk masturbation, you likely have a problem with your ejaculation.
br0ccoli 15
Mmmhm. "alone time" with your 'right hand man'
cc_the_beast 6
Mrs Palmer and her five daughters?
bizarre_ftw 22
BFF Jill
jellybeardoggie 4
Wtf why the potty ...
Amity24 6
That sucks I have family problems too