Today, I had to pick my son up from jail. He was pulled over for having a busted tail light, gave the officer his licence, realized he gave the officer his fake ID and then the dumbass gave the cop his real one. Is it too late for a vasectomy? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a wimp and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML
Today, I got pulled over for going a few miles per hour over the speed limit. The cop asked for my license and registration. I happened to look down at my wallet while he was processing everything and saw my license in my wallet. I gave the cop my fake I.D. FML
Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML
Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML
Today, and in the past week since became a full-time dad to my 16 year-old son, he's got caught sneaking out at night, lost his virginity, and I had to call the cops because he was caught trying to go two states over to be with said girl. I think he's trying to make me look bad. FML
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. After the cop asked for my license, he started laughing when he saw my picture. FML
Today, I picked up my 17 year-old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said, "So, you're the daddy?" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a hoe and me a perv. FML
Today, my husband called me in the middle of the morning. He was in jail and wanted me to bail him out. Not only was he stupid enough to go drunk drag-racing with his buddies, their route took them straight past the front of the local police precinct. FML
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
No, but it's too late for one to affect your idiot son. The best way to deal with him now is to smack him upside the head, and make him pay back what you spent on his bail, plus ensure he pays any fines/court costs. And remember, if he does anything stupid in the future, you can always smack him upside the head again. ...Maybe it would be wise to make him get a vasectomy himself. You don't want your grandkids raised by a moron.
spinspinsugar 12
this!
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Comments (3)
BurnInDemonFire 39
No, but it's too late for one to affect your idiot son. The best way to deal with him now is to smack him upside the head, and make him pay back what you spent on his bail, plus ensure he pays any fines/court costs. And remember, if he does anything stupid in the future, you can always smack him upside the head again. ...Maybe it would be wise to make him get a vasectomy himself. You don't want your grandkids raised by a moron.
spinspinsugar 12
this!
tounces7 28
Was he drunk on top of it?
Taurus_ChicKa 37
I mean, kyou didn't have to go get his dumbass. A night in jail probably would have done him good.