Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
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Top comments
helen_ellexo 22
Because jerking a dog off is more believable than a belly rub...
DankNissan 11
Did she send you to the naughty step?
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Comments (51)
SSJ4Asterisk 5
Wtf? Why would that be the first conclusion that she comes to? I can only imagine that she was in a situation like this when she was younger. Maybe she's old enough to remember that whole dog jerking craze from the late 70's? These things come back into style eventually. It happens with fashion. We should expect cat humping to return soon then.
ShawnieMichael 2
Then you should have stood up and accused her of beasility if she was thinking that in the first place! :D
Joshawott 21
Perhaps your wife thought you were celebrating a recent Canadian court ruling a bit too enthusiastically?
dontknow1 19
I think we are missing some information here, does op have a background of dirty actions ? because if his wife is making that assumption that quick it has to be reason.
crazyindynathan 13
I'd be careful, she may just be trying to make an excuse to get rid of the dog.
75elks 14
well you are in canada
Wonthebread 20
Unless your wife is unreasonable, you must have given a reason to think so.
PhoenixChick 26
Your wife is either completely a completely unbalanced, sex obsessed freak, or an alien who has never heard of dogs before and has no idea how humans interact with them.
Sonotsuave 37
*********** at its finest
onlinetroll 14
I cant believe this is the funniest and most innocent crime of the day. Bless your innocence bro.