Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML
Today, my husband and I were starting to get freaky. He was rubbing himself on my lady parts and I looked over to my side where my dog was intensely following my man’s junk with her eyes. I laughed so hard I farted, peed myself, and broke a cup in under 5 minutes. FML
Today, my wife was putting her finger in my bellybutton and making overly sexual noises. I thought this was all fun and games until I realized she was actually into this. FML
Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, doggy-style. She then got mad at me for coming on her back. I didn’t have the balls to tell her that was drool. FML
Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. Five minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog had shat in the exact same spot, apparently to make me look stupid. FML
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Top comments
helen_ellexo 22
Because jerking a dog off is more believable than a belly rub...
DankNissan 11
Did she send you to the naughty step?
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Comments (51)
helen_ellexo 22
Because jerking a dog off is more believable than a belly rub...
piedeath10 2
Of course it does silly, nobody rubs their dog's bellies, but everyone enjoys a good game of "red rocket."
DankNissan 11
Did she send you to the naughty step?
wondercat40 28
Who knows, she could have sent him to the dog house just as well XD
Jayms_fml 32
LOL! Good one. ;P
danimal_crackerz 26
Anyone else come back and like this after reading the next FML?
naviajack626 16
Why would she even assume that?
DrChrisOfWumbo 12
What if this is an issue with the OP. I mean to each there own but get a room people
cocacola999 27
Maybe she's been dreaming about it for a while and was jealous that OP acted first.
izzajaneful 24
They were in a room. Learn to knock would be more appropriate.
doglady 16
Sometimes when you rub a dog's belly, even if you're nowhere near it, the red rocket makes an appearance.
JaffaMC 13
She's not really throwing you a bone here, OP
Schala360 27
Is your wife 12 years old?
tigerisabelle 31
Either your wife is 12 and you are a pedo or she doesn't understand dogs. Or you've jerked dogs off before. I'm thinking it's the last one because why the hell else would she assume that?
insideoutsider 6
Hmmm...maybe because ********** is her thing. He may be man's best friend, but she's his.
ber4fun 23
Maybe it isn't her husband but someone else she knew before who did that and she still remembers it.
EvilLittleMan 23
No worries OP. She's just a tad jealous.
Tripartita 45
So next time you call him a "good boy", she'll assume you're just dirty talking. And don't even try to put a collar on the poor thing; bondage is just too kinky. Oh, don't get me started on the "toys" you buy for him…
Kingbenford 12
RED ROCKET, RED ROCKET!
drancergdl 10
you're wife seems to have a really dirty mind