Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
Today, my financial situation is so dire that I tried to steal toilet paper from work. I got caught. FML
Today, I lost my cell phone. But found it again! And then dropped it in the toilet. FML
Today, I did a "dine and dash" and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML
Today, I was getting groceries and realized at checkout that I forgot my wallet. The cashier gave me a sympathetic look as I frantically tried to unlock my phone to pay with an app, and watched as I accidentally called my ex on speakerphone. FML
Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML
Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML
Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML
Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You can tie a long string between two of the toilet paper roll cores and, voilà, you have a phone!
kloring1 15
You can afford to eat out but don't have money for toilet paper? Interesting priorities...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (22)
RockingLife23 5
lmao
band_geek 18
And you haven't thought about going back to the restaurant to see if anyone's turned it in? Or even trying to locate it if able to do the phone locator if that's an available option like iPhone if it's not iPhone itself?
Lady Life Hacks 9
Try to show some dignity and steal toilet paper from the Wal-Mart bathroom like a decent human being!
Manual_Manoosy 21
I appreciate the new phone, although it doesn't make up completely for not being able to wipe my @$$.
shannon2348 14
wait...you were in a restaurant but you can't afford toilet paper? ydi