Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend surprised me with what was allegedly a birthday "cake". It was so horribly deformed, I wasn't sure whether to eat it or wear it as a hat. I had to pretend it didn't taste like play-doh, and ended up throwing it up in the toilet. Happy birthday to me. FML
Today, my coworker had been distraught over not being able to keep his dog after his divorce, so trying to be sweet, I'd ordered a specially-made stuffy that looked like it. I put it on his desk with a note and cookies. He thought I was mocking him and threw the plate at me. FML
Today, it was our 5th anniversary, so I decided to play a little joke on my girlfriend. Before I gave her the real present, an engagement ring, I gave her a gift-wrapped rolling pin instead. I ended up in the hospital. FML
Today, my girlfriend was throwing a birthday party and got very drunk. She needed help getting to the bathroom so I picked her up and walked her to the toilet. Assuming she needed to throw up, she instead takes a huge, monstrous crap right in front of me. I can't look at her the same ever again. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me the present she'd bought for me. I said, joking, "I hope it's not a tie!" It was a tie. FML
Today, I learned that my husband “accidentally” let the dog out and allowed her to be eaten by an alligator because I got a male coworker, who is also a good friend of mine, a birthday present. We had an argument about our friendship, which apparently bothers him. I’d had that dog since I was a junior in high school. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Nordrag 26
As far as pranks go, anything that ***** with a gift for someone else is taking it to far.
slooby_fml 25
Create an...experiment...for your lab partner
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (65)
JasonUMN 15
These truly are the dog days of summer
stephhrunsaway 21
Shout out to Nigeria! My family's from there :-)
Danielle7994 18
Cool! My family's from there too, OP. Nigerians can be crazy sometimes
buckdharma 38
Let me get this straight. You thought you were giving her something nice and could take a bow, instead you gave her bow-wow bowels? Instead of something instrumental, sentimental, or even incidental, you gave her entrails? This entailed something once owning a tail? I'd give this giver of innards the voice of a tenor.
coute21 6
Don't quit your day job.
Fedezzer 20
Sometimes you've just got to know when to say: "no. I don't need to post this."
MzZombicidal 36
I enjoyed it. But I am, admittedly, easily amused.
archnarquibquib 21
At least he didn't give her your dissected ear?
chuckcloninger 12
You have a shit for a lab partner and your girlfriend isn't much better. Unless you've been a complete jerk to her in the past why would she react like that?
Druu 53
Sorry to hear about the birthday plans you had for your girlfriend. I guess your lab partner really rectum.
AmberAusgeflippt 13
Make him some laxative and ipecac brownies. Now. Seriously. &your girl doesn't trust you, especially about something so7 frivolous? Relationships - Trust = Futile Fact.
AmberAusgeflippt 13
Make him some laxative and ipecac brownies. Now. Seriously. &your girl doesn't trust you, especially about something so frivolous? Relationships - Trust = Futile Fact.
bloodangel1973 8
Perform a living autopsy... On your lab partner
kidsgotastinky 11
Wait so you're a scientist?