Today, my sister told me not to come over anymore because her baby is scared of my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turned to my dog and said, "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML
Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML
Today, my boyfriend dumped me, all because he's scared of my mother. FML
Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, who said she was too busy to talk to me. When my sister asked her who was on the phone, she replied, "The dog sitter." FML
Today, my little brother told me to give him my phone so he could play a game on it. I said no, because I was taking a call from a friend at the time. He then walked over to the wall, headbutted it, burst into tears, then told my parents that I punched him. They believed him. FML
Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
Today, as I was planning my impending nuptials with my fiancé, my sister jokingly told him it's not too late to call it off. He took her seriously and bailed. He won’t answer my calls. FML
Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was insulted and harassed by my sister and her boyfriend, all because I proposed yesterday. They were angry I might get married before they did. They have known each other since primary school; I met my fiancée earlier this year. FML
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Top comments
Saltime 0
Did the baby tell her that? No? Then she has no proof.
davie101 0
That is what brown bags are made for- don't forget the eye slits. just a suggestion...
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Comments (172)
999pun999 0
sucks
Leeshawbrown 3
This would be even funnier if OP and her sister were identical twins.
marcyfrances 4
your family is obviously not very close! I'm sorry
lemonsquid 6
AHAHA still I bet your face is terribly hilarious! xD
Saniyah22 0
u must be one ugly mother.....
Garyy_fml 11
You're brothers a dick.
ermkrmr 0
pregnant women are very hormonal, and can come off as rude, my mom started yelling at my dads buddies to get off the property when she first had me. Just make a joke of it and embarrass her at the next family reunion ;) and don't let her forget it! :)
l0606299 0
uhh well that's not very good! I wouldn't know what to say! "ummm... o alright.. that's... ******* awesome...."
clay2232 3
could someone tell me what op means??
seeunexttuesdays 6
probably the lamest excuse to get rid of you considering the baby didnt ACTUALLY say: "aunties face scares the crap outta me!"