Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, after leaving my mom's house, I got 4 text messages from her about how I was a terrible person for not saying goodbye to my sister when I left. The "sister" she was referring to is the family dog. FML
Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML
Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML
Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew, and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML
Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML
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Top comments
Aeroxx1337 17
Clearly her skull is thicker than her blood.
Miss_Latina 13
Now you have 2 bitches as roommates
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Comments (100)
ScarletBloom 14
Cut her some slack. Her wussy is thicker and saggier than her foul mouth. That's why she needs something bigger. Hope you get my drift.
lolita88_fml 27
No actually, what drift is meant to be gotten?
marchelley907 9
what a bitch move!
martin8337 36
OP, I guess yor sister wanted you out in the wor as t way.
Shmatterhorn 38
What? I think you wanted to say that the dimwitted sister needs a backhand to jostle her brain cells.
LegolasPrincess 10
That's really a low blow. I love my pets, and yes I feel like they're part my family. But I wouldn't screw over my actual flesh and blood for a dog. Your sister has issues, you should take the imitative get out just so you don't catch the stupidity.
Chubgatti 10
its actually, "The covenant of the blood is thicker than the water of the womb." Meaning, the bonds you make matter more than family. I guess she's right.
MidnaLink 35
Is this the same girl from the skydiving ticket story?
PleaseCall999 2
Just move out and watch her try to pay the rent by herself
worldclassrager 41
Looks like to me the sisterly love is now gone...
buddy_J 16
Tell her that syrup is thinker then blood so pancakes come before family
Joedbag 8
take it to the shelter and give it up for adoption while she's out...