Today, my roommate unexpectedly came home with a new puppy. I'm severely allergic to dogs. When I reminded her of this, she explained that the puppy was her family now and if I didn't like it I should move out because blood is thicker than water. My roommate is my sister. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife isn't speaking to me and is considering separation because I got rid of the puppy she surprised me with for my birthday. She knows I hate dogs and I'm severely allergic to them, but thought it would be a happy case of "Dad later falls in love." FML
Today, after leaving my mom's house, I got 4 text messages from her about how I was a terrible person for not saying goodbye to my sister when I left. The "sister" she was referring to is the family dog. FML
Today, my mom confessed to loving my "little sister" more than she loves me. My "little sister" is the family dog. FML
Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML
Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew, and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML
Today, to celebrate moving into a new apartment, my girlfriend decided she would get a kitten. She didn't know I'm allergic to cats. When I told her, she decided that she couldn't date someone who couldn't be around her cat; the one she doesn't have yet. FML
Today, my asshole of a roommate finally decided to move out. Not only did he take his belongings with him, he took some of mine as well. Including my dog. FML
Today, I've been living with my new roommate's dogs for three days now. In an ironic twist, the small one is very well-behaved, while the two big ones are disobedient little shits. Every day, I get a thousand more reminders as to why I'm a cat person. I can't do this anymore. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, my girlfriend got evicted for having too many dogs. She expects me to let her and all 5 dogs live in my one-bedroom apartment. When I told her no, that I’d get evicted too, she said that should be a sacrifice I’m willing to make for “our family” if I really loved her. They aren’t even my dogs. FML
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Top comments
Aeroxx1337 17
Clearly her skull is thicker than her blood.
Miss_Latina 13
Now you have 2 bitches as roommates
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Comments (100)
Imaginationn 6
Move out and see how she makes it paying for rent, herself and the puppy. Im sure it wont last long
toneeangel 22
Shes a royal bitch. Hopefully you live in an apartment and can throw her out or leave and have her deal with its mess. Or buy a cat.
suri23 11
Younger sister? Sounds like it!
lostribe 3
I think this was her way of getting you to move out. Time to go.
life_sucks225 13
I hate people that put animals over the safety of some people. Its not inhumane to put the dog out, its a dog, it doesnt matter if its a puppy just keep it outside or in a seperate room.
heinous966 15
Bonds of blood are thicker than the water of the womb.
louk16 1
It sounds like your sister might be a massive idiot.
PsychoKittie 7
Buy something shes allergic to
ingram450 3
I say shoot the dog
Gingerette 8
Personally, I miss subtle sarcasm. I sometimes don't get it, but I still like to see it. I like knowing that there are different types of humor on this site. Also, maybe thumbing down sarcasm excessively would make it easier to pick out. Everybody seems to like the thumbs down button, anyway.