Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML
Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML
Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML
Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML
Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML
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Top comments
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
What a prick.
Stumblebum30 5
do you think the world is your toilet? dumb ass
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Comments (140)
iSariiLovesYoux3 0
YDI for peeing on an innocent cactus!! It doesn't deserve your nasty piss on it!
Holybatman 16
The OP didn't specify that he was in his backyard, so I just assumed he was hiking, or at a place with no bathrooms close by, like any normal person would. Also, the cactus was probably the only thing nearby that offered some protection from people seeing, so it's natural that the OP would pee on a cactus rather than a low bush like some morons suggested. OP, FYL. On the other hand, if this was in the backyard or near a bathroom, then the OP deserved it.
dimension516 0
This could be a female. It doesn't specify.
johnbob_fml 0
He lives in the ******* new mexico, there is nothing but cactuses. Just a ******* desert.. filled with cactuses.
Tigg3r 3
yeah NM is very very hard. I hate going there to visit my grandparents. They live in Socorro. They don't even have a starbucks in socorro!!!! But I love my family and grandma has some pretty darn good mexican food. Plus, can't pass up a visit to see my cousin and aunts and uncle.
clockworkrainbow 3
Oh God! No Starbucks?! Drink coffee from a coffee-maker at home like everybody else does. Or drive to Los Lunas for the crap and quit complaining.
betamaxjim92 0
YDI for being an utter prick. Not even a beaner would do somethin as stupid as piss on a cactus
ObadiahtheSlim 2
YDI. If you can't take the proper time to train your dog not to jump on people you deserve what you get.
thundercats29 0
Don't mess with Texas!
icanfloat12 0
hope u don got no penis
sweatteaforme001 0
I could totally understand peeing outside...but why would u pee on a cactus? Were you in a field of cacti with no vacant spaces or other plants to pee on?
dannidelion226 0
dogs will jump whenever the hell they want, but YDI for peeing on a cactus. either find a less harmful plant, go inside, or hold it in
mmfgk 0
YDI, what the hell were you peeing on a ******* cactus for?