Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML
Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML
Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML
Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML
Today, I rescued a cactus from a lethal fall. It thanked me with a handful of spines. FML
Today, I was walking my dog but every time he looked like he was about to "go", he became uninterested with the spot and kept walking. I, following behind, tripped over a bump in the sidewalk and face planted. My dog then finally urinated, all over my aching body. FML
Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML
Today, in a desperate bid to avoid going to the doctor, my young son ran into and hid inside a cactus garden. I had to drag him out. FML
Today, my dog was so happy to see me that he laid down on his back and started pissing like a fountain. He pissed on everything around him, including me. FML
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Top comments
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
What a prick.
Stumblebum30 5
do you think the world is your toilet? dumb ass
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Comments (140)
ibrakefordonuts 0
ahaha that sucks, i stepped on a cactus in NC and it sucked.. i had like 5 needles in my foot
tacoman007 2
Oh yeah, take that cactus! how do you like my piss all over you? wait what? No! down fido, down! Damn it, I fell into a cactus while attempting to piss on it! that's the 3rd time this week!
Sahuro 2
I wholeheartedly agree with #30, but I have two small questions to ask: Did you ever think that it MIGHT be a bad idea to stand 2ft. away from something incredibly pointy, with your balls hanging out? Who came to scissor your man-card? Because no one who intentionally puts his balls in that kind of danger deserves to call herself a man! Other than that, I laughed for 5 minutes straight, giggled for fifteen, and favourite'd you =)
uthinkurfunny 0
what???
skater847 0
why the hell would you pee on a cactus????
danaloren 3
Your dog..jumped on your back? What kind of dog is that? Did he want a piggyback ride or something?
readin_duh 0
you are an idiot
frostymlb 0
what are you talking about?!
fleafleabug 0
I would. kill the dog jk
usmcsupporter 0
us guys these days will piss on anything....am i right????