Today, I was feeling a little bored so I decided to go outside for once. Living in Florida is nice and all, except for the fact that right now I'm putting ice over two snake bites. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, it was my first day being home after doing a 4 and a half month hike through the Appalachian Trail. This evening, I stepped out my front door and directly onto a copperhead snake. It thought my leg was tasty, and I went to the ER for the first time in over 20+ years. FML
Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML
Today, I had to chase off the Eastern Brown snake that's been hanging around. When it doubled back, I fell over trying to move out of its way and landed in a bush that contained 3 separate wasp nests. My body feels like it is on fire and the snake is now in my chook shed, refusing to leave. FML
Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML
Today, it was an unusually warm day after many weeks of typical subfreezing temperatures, so my family and I went for a walk in the park. We all came back with mosquito bites. FML
Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML
Today, I was running outside. On the last mile, I was alongside some fields. While running down the side of the road, I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car, screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite inside my cast. FML
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Top comments
lovebooks07 15
You did bite it back, right?
CMYKorBust 7
You should have gotten a nose ring as well. Although a belly piercing wouldnt be bad.
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Comments (39)
gardening 17
Erm hospital?
captainsmegma 12
Move out of the sticks.
jg23 7
At least it wasn't mosquitos! Wouldn't want to risk zika
Nerd14 9
As a Floridian, I have to say that there's nothing nice about living here.
mattyiscool123 26
What part of Florida is that?
zyero 9
Every part of Florida that isn't a beach. Lived there for 15 years, moved as far away as humanly possible from that hell hole, never regretted it. Literally every other state has a better economy and is less likely to try and murder you for breathing.
sirdannyboy1 20
And after a few days of immense pain, the snake(s) died.
zyero 9
There's a reason from native Americans exiled from their tribes due to crimes or what not were sent to live there, as a former resident let me say this much. The beaches you see In all the spring break ads? Yeah that's about 10% of the state, the other 90% is a swamp where every thing Mother Nature can throw at you (from sink hole to mosquitos) is trying to kill you or eat you or implant its larva in your still living body or recently deceased corpse. Not sure why we chose to colonize that waste land but I'm sure as hell glad I'm out, I'd say fyl but with two snake bites as a local Floridian? Let me guess you were walking around in the brush in shorts and a flip flops like a ingenious local? Either that or you were not Paying a lick of attention to where you were going. Even the water moccasins you can tell where they are by the ungodly stench of rotten eggs that seems to follow them wherever they go, albiet you get to close and those ******* will chase you down. Unless you were swimming and got bit By a moccasin I'd say YDI, if you did get bit by a moccasin, then props on living long enough to tell about it and fyl.
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
You spelled Australia wrong