Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I attended the funeral of a close friend. Most of the other guests were openly grinning and joking around, and the guy in front of me kept muttering, "That's what she said!" during the eulogy. FML
Today, my boss was telling everyone his mother recently passed away and he'll be off work for a while. I'd been holding in painful gas for a while, so I tried to ease it out. It turned into a long, squeaky fart in front of everyone. Everyone glared at me as if I was trying to be funny. FML
Today, my friend was having a party. It was going good until I got the hiccups really bad, and they wouldn't go away. My friend decided to scare them away by shooting a pellet gun right next to my head. Bad news: It blew out my eardrum. I still have the hiccups. FML
Today, I went to my uncle's funeral. His eulogy was ruined by an annoying little kid repeatedly talking over the pastor, who didn't pause for anything, no matter how many times his parents told him to stop. The complimentary lunch was horrible, and the hearse driving him to the cemetery got into an accident. FML
Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "Bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML
Today, I was giving a speech at a conference when halfway through I got a sudden case of hiccups. For the next 5 minutes I tried to finish my presentation while hiccuping uncontrollably. The audience found it hilarious and started cheering each time I hiccuped. I’m convinced no one could tell me what the speech was actually about. FML
Today, I accidentally farted in the middle of my grandfather's funeral and my cousin started cracking up. It caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout all of the other cousins and my siblings. Now my aunts won't speak to any of us. FML
Today, my (now ex) best friend wore funeral attire to my wedding, and instead of a speech, she gave a eulogy, making it sound like my new husband had brutally murdered me. FML
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Top comments
greeneye_fml 12
Did you try holding your breath to stop the hiccups? Works for me. But yeah its not like they're voluntary. That sucks.
rokemay 10
It sucks that you had the hiccups but you should have quietly excused yourself and left
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Comments (185)
greeneye_fml 12
Did you try holding your breath to stop the hiccups? Works for me. But yeah its not like they're voluntary. That sucks.
kimgr 9
Why would she hold her breath in the middle of a eulogy..
bellakaykid 6
8- you hold your breath briefly to try and stop them.
n_epic_fail 14
I'd like to call the friend a bitch... But death messes with people's emotions.
iluvhobos 5
Or just excuse yourself and slip out quietly, and return when they have calmed down?
Awsumuzzie 12
8, I agree. The only reason 1 would suggest that is for the OP to suffocate him/herself. Then OP would get all the attention again because she'd die at a funeral at a young age.
greeneye_fml 12
Its impossible to suffocate yourself by holding your breath. You would pass out first and start breathing again.
Awsumuzzie 12
Thanks 35, I knew that but forgot to mention I was being sarcastic.
osnapitzaris 0
either you're realllly bad at sarcasm..or I'm just realllly bad at detecting it.
emogiggles 0
No really their just bad at sarcasm
PenguinSwag47 0
Wow, even I knew she was sarcastic.
Cad6 24
it's not dyslexia. Dyslexia is a problem where the letters seem upside down or backwards. stop being an insensitive bastard and making fun of crippled people. Dyslexia isn't something to joke about.
Angitia 8
63, wrong comment & first, she didn't make fun of anyone. Second, dyslexic people aren't crippled. Lastly, it could very be she had the q flipped into a p... so what are you on about?
Awsumuzzie 12
You're right, I lied :O I believe a person can really suffocate themselves! People don't "drown", they suffocate. When we find bodies that are dead from "natural causes", is actually suffocation. The man is making you all blind to the truth! (Sarcasm, again)
Cad6 24
#68 - Ahh good point. Stupid of me to reply to the wrong comment. (Braces for a hellish hurricane of thumbs down).
Cad6 24
#59 - they're*
hurtandabused 7
I have a Problem where I get random hiccups n I cant stop them by holding my breath.
ogf27 3
....
Cad6 24
#95 - ... is an ellipses. "...." doesn't exist.
jizzwold 21
^you have to be the biggest grammar nazi ever to take issue with an improper use of ellipses
fricknugget 3
Everyone says holding your breath works! Not for me!!!, i usually get somebody to pull bak my ears while i drink. WORKS!!!!
osnapitzaris 0
80 just stop.
robinhood007 9
80 I think you're awesome and everyone here is just being a douche because once people start hating on someone on FML everyone has to do it...ridiculous. And watch, now I'll get thumbed down for that (or up because it's true and everyone knows it)
TheElderTROLLZ 15
Reminds me of when I was nine or ten. I was at my grandfathers funeral when (while we were crying) me and my sister kept looking at each other and laughing.
jodone 3
Yet there it is
t765234 10
132- I don't hate her because everyone else does, I hate her because she's a moron.
s2cee 3
Agreed
MissNicky_fml 0
your retarded! If you hold your breath it stops the hiccups Duh! it has nothing to do with sufficating dumbass
NoDontKillMe 19
#26 It's impossible to die from holding your breath- after a time your body will force you to breathe
doglover100 29
Holding my breath and swallowing 3 times works for me.
nentenkupo 19
Holding breath doesn't work for everyone. I have tried holding my breath- even closing my mouth and pinching my nose- and I still hiccuped while not breathing.
Jkolbly 11
Why did you have to speak loudly? All you had to do was sink quietly into your chair each time you had a hiccup.
bellakaykid 6
SQUEAK, not speak. Read the FML.
Jkolbly 11
******* dyslexia......
evilplatypus 39
I have chronic hiccoughs; I've gone to several specialists about them (to no avail). I have ZERO control over how loud I "squeak" and have never met anyone who claims that they can control the volume of their hiccoughs. I'm never even aware that there's about to be another one, so how can I be expected control it? OP, I feel your pain. The height of my hiccough issues was during a period in my life when my job required I frequently take business calls. Thankfully, most of the people I spoke to (mostly reps) were understanding and found it amusing.
Shelta957 13
I highly doubt that you're actually dyslexic
emogiggles 0
I have dyslexia it's really sucks
The_Troller 14
I feel really bad for laughing at that "it's".
lostfaithinpppl 19
@69, why do you keep calling them "hiccoughs"???
KeyboardWarrior 10
Troller I'm not sure why, but I find your profile pic hilarious. Needless to say, only one of us can have it. Now go on with your day, I won't be in your closet waiting for you to fall asleep. ;)
wallandpiece 16
Hiccups and Hiccoughs are actually the same thing, just spelled differently. They were originally known as hiccoughs because in olden times doctors believed them to be related to coughing. Hiccup is the more modern spelling.
ouchie1013 0
she could always close her mouth. I have super violent hiccups and it always helps me keep it quieter.
MissHayleyJames 7
Well if you have a stuffy nose and have to breathe through your mouth you can't keep it closed.
MissNicky_fml 0
why do u call them "hiccoughs"??
guitarbeast 22
Wow… hasn't he ever had the hiccups before? He should know you can't really control them. Oh and F your friends life for his mom dying
22cute 17
Really YDI because manners dictate you should have left the room when the hiccups started. Just like if you had a crying baby. The baby cannot help crying but only a fool would let it go on during a funeral. It's about the family of the deceased, not YOU.
MoogleSam 8
Then the friend would have accused them of being rude for leaving and still accused the poor woman of trying to ruin the funeral. Besides that, babies often cry for a reason and will stop after they get what they want but some people can't stop their hiccups no matter what they try and can only wait for them to disappear. Plus, depending on where they were sitting, it might have been difficult to leave their seat without disturbing quite a few other people.
Bloodlvst 11
What 103 said is pretty much spot on. There's no way OP could've looked good.
robinhood007 9
No he's not spot on. It was rude to stay while hiccuping. Has nothing to do with looking bad or not it is that fact that it is respectful to the deceased family and the people trying to listen. The friend might have just gotten angry at whatever happened but everyone else probably would have appreciated it.
VictoriaSchultz 8
Probably under a lot of stress and took their feelings out on her
kerrwoof 13
I understand your friends upset, but it's not your fault that you have the hiccups. What a nice friend you've got there...
ohSNAPyall 27
She just lost her mom. Cut her some slack.
robinhood007 9
And it's common curtesy to leave the room when something like that is happening. People can hear that shes hiccuping, they'd think its more rude to stay then to leave so people can hear the eulogy.
girl112891 7
I hate the hiccups. Sometimes they're really painful. Don't worry OP, just apologize to your friend when she's calmer. It's rough what she's going through, anything will upset her at that point.
kionnaloves 11
You should've quietly excused yourself so as not to interrupt. Insensitive bitch.
MissHayleyJames 7
If you're sitting in a pew and have to make 20 people get up so that you can get out, that's much more of a disturbance than hiccuping.
KaelaKhaotic 5
Hold your breath.
eyecon502 13
Then the OP might have passes out! :p
Ameel_fml 19
You'd have to be a pretty stupid person to actually pass out while holding your breath to stop hiccups. Most people know when to start breathing again, even if the hiccups aren't gone yet. Just take a deep breath and start holding your breath again.
rokemay 10
It sucks that you had the hiccups but you should have quietly excused yourself and left
cherryllollo 7
you shouldve excused yourself or minimized the sound. but try n be patient with your friend. i doubt they meant to lash out at you like that. their mom just died... expect odd behavior for a little while
lilypad7275 0
Okay you leave and then you get called a bitch for not staying at the funeral
l0v3p4in 7
Well, OP, as a fellow frequent hiccupper myself, it's just polite to excuse yourself from the room to go some place private to place your head in between your legs while holding your breath till they are all gone . . . or until you pass out - which ever happens first. Either way, your friend would have thanked you for finally bringing some peace.
Awsumuzzie 12
Does that method actually work? I tried holding my breath, sugar under my tongue, and drinking a lot of water and NOTHING works.
tylersign 11
This is what you do: Get a glass of water, put your top lip on the side of the glass furthest from you, lean forward, and drink. Instant cure. I promise.
Awsumuzzie 12
Seems legit.
cocokiss410 0
Yea. Or bend over when u swallow. If u can swallow while 'upside down' they'll go away.
MrsPegg 45
Hey, I am in nursing school, so please bare with what I'm about to say, but hiccups are caused by a spasm of the diaphragm because of respiratory alkalosis (breathing too slowly). This pretty much means you're retaining oxygen: the spasms are your bodies attempt to retain more CO2. So when I get hiccups, I breathe into a paper bag; that way I'm breathing in a higher concentration of CO2. . . So, there's my tip of how I get my hiccups to go away! :)
ddeathbombb 5
Umm I hoped you explained to him and trie to be friends with better people
twilightluvr101 4
Ops friend just lost their mother its a hard time for him/her, she was just trying to take out some of her anger/sadness, it was wrong to take that out on op but it didn't mean that ops friend was a bad friend/person.
nofearjenshere 12
Try keeping packets of sugar in your purse, and swallow a packet whenever you get the hiccups. Works everytime for me.
micahsmommy 13
15's comment was to OP who is a girl so it was decent advice. And who wouldn't want to carry sugar around? It makes you sweeter.
nofearjenshere 12
OP is a girl. & I do because I frequently get the hiccups.
mk58 31
In this case, OP isn't a dude, so they can easily carry a purse if they wanted to...
mk58 31
Never mind!! Everyone else got to it before me! :)
Petronix 5
Does it really? Learn something new everyday. I don't get them often but when I do they're annoying as hell and tough to get rid of. I shall try this next time.