Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML
Today, the medication I’ve been taking has caused me to become constipated for so long I'm now unable to go, because all my poop is a solid mass in my bowels no stool softener can touch. So a surgeon is either going up my ass with a hose and a spoon, or cutting open my stomach to remove it. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I was finally able to get up and take a shit after being bedridden due to my knee surgery. I had diarrhea and because I can't properly bend my knee, I can't wipe my butt. FML
Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML
Today, I've had such bad constipation during my fourth pregnancy that I have now had to manually scoop the poop out of my ass to get things moving again. FML
Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Today, after 4 days without being able to poop, now, while sitting stuck in traffic, I have the sudden urge to use the bathroom. FML
Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 34
Make like a mathematician and work it out with a pencil.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I recommend getting that checked out.
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Comments (14)
Dave_Davington 34
Make like a mathematician and work it out with a pencil.
EmDizzle2007 28
solid.
BigSissy 14
I don’t think Richard Pencil would appreciate that comment!
RichardPencil 32
You got that right! WTF?!?!?
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I recommend getting that checked out.
Susan Yee 9
Had something similar after I gave birth. I googled around. Apply lube on the opening and then push as hard as you can. Took almost 30 mins, super hurt/sore like hell after, but got that hard bugger out. LOL
sublimechica4 7
Serious though, enema kit will make it way less painful for you.
RichardPencil 32
Is that some kind of Norwegian idiom? Do you refer to a hardened turd as a “kid of gold?” No wonder the movie “The Golden Child” did so poorly in Norway!
thisisbutaname 38
I feel like there's a perfect comment for this situation
Dave_Davington 34
"That's not a shitty enough situation."
sublimechica4 7
Honey, just buy an enema kit. Lay on the floor, rub your tummy for about 5 min, and go. Good luck.