Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, my dog had diarrhea in his cage. While I was carrying his dirty bed downstairs to the washer, he ran by and tripped me. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my dog had REALLY bad diarrhea. I found that out when I woke up to find it all over my bed. FML
Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML
Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML
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Top comments
PULS3_fml 0
sounds like a shitty situation
perdix 31
A Torpedo of Diarrhea. . . that sounds like a dog toy that didn't really catch on.
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Comments (118)
RachelHellYeah 0
Ewwwwww! Poor doggy:/ have fun cleaning that up OP!!!
yummycupcakegirl 0
Uhh smelly dog...was it a shit-sue (IDK how to spell it)
Mehness 0
shi-tsu
natvv 0
*Shi tzu
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Maybe 47 is British. :P
hairt 4
all wrong! it's shih-tzu!!!
MauerGirl07 0
"Help me" HAHAHHA!
citrinka 0
tigercoon 12
This was written hilariously lol That really does suck though :p
kaileigh10 2
poor doggie. :(
KikiThePug 0
Oh shit! -Kiki
Mauskau 36
roflmao!
elmorous 0
careful where you roll
blanketisawesome 0
Awww poor dog :-(
bankrupt 15
Further proof that only idiots own dogs. If you bring one of those filthy creatures into your home, then you deserve to spend the rest of your life scrubbing shit and piss off your floors and carpets. It would be easier and less expensive to just relieve yourself on your own floors and carpets. Then you'd have the smell and mess of a dog without having to feed or walk it.
Freeze_fml 17
Someone should get you a puppy for your birthday.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Raising dogs are like raising kids. My dog Boss isn't an idiot and knows when and where to relieve himself. Not all dogs are horrible, filthy, creatures like you put it. ignorant bastard.
WickedWendigoX 0
hey idiot! dogs are mans or womans best friend. if a dog ***** or pees on the carpet. oh well it's what a untrained dog does. apperintly you need a puppy! :D some dogs are smart :)
szlafarski 0
umm... go away?
bankrupt 15
Someone foolishly did, thinking I'd fall in love with its "cute" puppy face despite my professed hatred for dogs of all kinds and the fact that my lease specified NO PETS OF ANY KIND in big, black letters. I took one look at that dirty creature, picked it up by the scruff of its smelly little neck and put it outside before it fouled my home and got me fined for having an animal against the terms of my lease. The giver of this worst of all gifts was horrified and ran after it. She picked it up and it pissed all over her and bit her face. I wouldn't let either of them back into my home so she ended up driving off covered in dog piss with an unwanted puppy. It shit AND barfed in her car. She was furious and FINALLY figured out what I'd been saying all along. Dogs are dirty, stinking messes. She took it to the pound, never to be seen or heard from again. I swear I could smell that filthy dog's nasty odor in my home for weeks. Dog owners think their dogs are clean but there is no such thing. They are just so used to the dog odor that they don't notice it, but it knocks the rest of us out as soon as they open their doors. Disgusting.
Freeze_fml 17
I found a tiny dog on the streets one time and took it as a pet. It used to sit on my shoulder while I used the computer. Too bad for you. Antisocial with pets I see.
bankrupt 15
I have no desire to follow a creature around looking at its stinking ass waiting for it to poop, cheering it on like it just won an Olympic medal when it finally does poop, and then picking up its poop. There is nothing funnier than a dog owner screaming, "Go poop! Good dog! Go poop!" Congratulations! It's shit. Now get it the **** off my lawn or I will smear it all over your brand new grill (yep, did it to some asshole neighbor who wouldn't pick up the shit, and told her if she did it again it will go right in her mouth). I have no desire to have a smelly, torn up, pissed in, barfed on and shit on home and a mine field in my back yard. I have no desire to house something that will chew the furniture or my shoes, get into the garbage. I want to be able to put dinner on the table, turn my back to call my family and turn around and have all the food still there and untouched. Every time I walk into the home of a down owner the smell makes me gag. Ew. Dog owners think their dogs are clean and don't smell. In fact, they are so used to the stench they don't notice it but it knocks everyone else out as soon as the door opens. I am not lacking in human companionship. I do not need or want canine companionship. It is legal to hate dogs and to not want to own one yet the minute I say, "I don't like dogs" everyone thinks I'm wrong. It is an opinion; my opinion is that they are garbage eating messes that foul their environments, take too much work (really, I have no desire to spend even one minute trying to show a dog where to toilet or to walk in bad weather so it can shit and I can cheer the shit) and cost a fortune in food, vet bills, day care and stupid toys. If people who bought their dogs Christmas presents donated that money to a charity instead, they'd be helping out humans. Your opinion is that a smelly, ********, pissing, drooling, barfing, shit eating, piss drinking, humping, barking, biting, chewing, food stealing creature is a wonderful companion in life. Why do you need something sitting on your shoulder as you use the computer? I would be thinking, "Ew, get off me before you piss" the entire time.
Freeze_fml 17
Holy shit. I'm not even going to try to read that. Quit PMSing on FML.
atomicbaboon 0
lots of acronyms.