Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML
Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML
Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML
Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML
Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML
Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML
Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML
Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...
imustbeinsane 2
Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand
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Comments (55)
08_strat 2
Cow, right in the pisser.
hateevryone 15
the hell is wrong with your dad?
shots1996 8
Dads... A breed of man yet to be understood. Not go get a hook parrot peg leg and a pirate outfit and pop him with a rubber band
a_boogie11 1
Seems like somebody forgot about the five D's: Dodge, Dip, Dive, Duck and Dodge
FlyingWhisps 5
Similar thing happened to me, except it was a nerf gun pointed at the back of my head and I got a foam bullet to the eyelid. I could only see black out of my right eye for...the rest of the day. Yes, it's a very cool story, bro.
Jetpackwalrus 0
Aaaaarrrrrrgg!!
theworstthing 7
I had to wear a eyepatch once cause I was poked in the eye with a stick.
cass1_l0ve 13
See, I read this and though "hm, I wanna try this on my boyfriend!!!" so I tried shooting him in the chest while he was in the shower... Let's just say he's now dealing with a very bloody sack! Haha
Cysioland 8
Sue him for damages.
alliebaba7 8
That stinks!!? It must have hurt Hmm if only you could get a pink eye patch then it wouldn't look as bad. I love pink