FlyingWhisps

Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML

Today, I got hit in the face at a dodge-ball tournament. My entire mouth was bloody. The sad thing is, I wasn't even playing. FML

Drunk and orderly

Today, when drunk, I became OCD about everything and spent 3 hours making sure that the books on my shelves were straight. I thought that being drunk was supposed to be fun. FML

Good boy

Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML

Mr Rogers

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

Today, I accidentally called my cute boss "Babe." I now have to pretend it's what I call everyone, and start calling all my coworkers "Babe." FML