Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's house. She had promised me we'd get it on so I couldn't wait. When I got there, I didn't get it on. Instead, I got a list of reasons why I make her depressed. FML
Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend complained about our recent dry spell. I've been under a lot of stress at work, but I told her some things she could do to help. She decided a better idea was to scream that I don't care about her needs, and that I should never "burden her" with my problems. FML
Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a complete breakdown. I was trying to calm her down and reassure her that she will accomplish all of her dreams. Her response: "Then why am I even with you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was sexually frustrated. Naturally, I started coming on to her, only for her to shove me away and snap that just because she was sexually frustrated, it didn't mean that she wanted sex. Huh? FML
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Top comments
Ninjaface 0
You reply by screwing her brains out then and there. That way you're killing two birds with one stone: you get laid and she shuts up.
nokillnobeepbeep 0
How do you reply? You do her right there. Hard. Most women like to be ravaged. Stop being such a pansy.
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Comments (66)
kindness 0
most of you people are disgusting... keep your stupid comments to yourself.
braziliangirl777 0
dude, this is a site called FMYLIFE o.O get a grip
bethiebebe 0
srsly. you've basically just contradicted yourself by posting a stupid comment. don't like it, don't look. plain and simple.
mandi625 0
I agree with you. Sometimes they get too carried away, it's pathetic -.-
SomeRandomGuy15 18
Please elaborate how the comments on this FML in particular are "disgusting" and "stupid"
perdix 31
It's whining and complaining and bitching that makes you hard! You are going to be a great husband, because married life is all about the whining and the complaining and the bitching. Some girls really fail when they "try" to be sexy. They seem clumsy, comical and pathetic. Now that I've figured it out for you, go have great sex with Amy Whinehouse.
bunnixbrutality 5
my god i love you for your statement
LikeOhMahGoose 0
haha I agree. should have **** slapped her and then ****** her hard.
datbitch36 0
your dick has problems then
MrFail_fml 0
u have some self control issues, or your girlfriend is just ******* ugly, ditch that ugly-ass HOE!
jonny2x4 0
Is she busted-looking? It looks like you had a sympathy boner. Maybe you should have had her sit on your lap to surprise her.
misspeg 0
damn guys and their damn penis problems. and don't start about how she might be dog ass ugly. that's just another excuse.
bjoernabee 1
A lot of guys are born with penis problems, and a lot get them as they get older. Nothing we can do about it.
kukopia 0
You're a sick, sick man.
drm316 0
this is more funny than anything xD lolz
Improbability 0
It matters greatly: were you turned on by her getting upset, or was she doing or had been doing something else? If you were seriously turned on by her being upset, what is wrong with you? That wouldn't be a case of liking a strong, forceful woman, it would be liking that she feels depressed and worthless. Don't tell her that. Infact, go seek some help. If you were turned on by something else, tell her! This is more of an FML for HER, I know how she feels. It is an utterly depressing moment when you realized that NOTHING turns your man on...
braziliangirl777 0
uh you people, just a theory here, but as I read it I didn't think he got hard because she was upset but rather he was already hard (she'd probably been trying to get him to be) and she just couldn't tell for some reason...