Today, I was selling weed to a guy by text. He was using our code, saying, "Can I book a tutoring session at 6 o'clock?" I asked, "How many hours do you need?" He replied, "Three please." I said, "Sure." Then he said, "Just leave it in the blue Adidas again." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked a random guy at the skate park if he knew anyone who could sell me some weed. Turns out he was a parole officer. FML
Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML
Today, a guy for whom I did a design job told me he would only be able to pay me in 3 weeks. I told him that it was OK, as long as I didn't have to follow him around to collect my money. "Don't worry, I know the feeling," he said, "I used to run an illegal business." FML
Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML
Today, the guy whose son I babysat for six hours straight confessed to being broke, then actually asked if he could pay me with sex instead. FML
Today, my dad got a flat tire on the way to work. I got a replacement and texted him, "I have the wheel." For some reason, it got autocorrected to, "I have the weed." My dad then said, "I think we need to talk." I know he's joking and that he knows it was autocorrect trying to ruin my life, but damn. FML
Today, I was texting a guy that one of my friends told me about. She gave me his number and told me about how he was deaf. Three hours into great conversation I forgot and asked him what his favorite music was. FML
Today, I was giving a tour on campus when one of my friends approached us and said, "Don't go here, the weed's too expensive." and walked away. Thinking he was coming back to say he's joking, he instead says, "Just kidding, it's really cheap." and walked off. I may or may not still have a job. FML
Today, I tutored a kid for two hours, for $25 an hour. When it came time for them to pay, my mother told the kid's parents that they could give me ten bucks for the whole thing. She does this a lot. FML
Today, my coworker paid me back the $15 I let him borrow and we shook hands. Later, I was called into my boss's office, where he threatened to fire me for doing a drug deal in front of customers. The police are getting involved. FML
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Top comments
Jeremy Strang 7
Kid, the cops ain't reading your texts. And if they were, that code wouldn't save you.
RichardPencil 32
What's the problem? Just put three hours of tutoring in the blue Adidas. How hard can that be? It seems like you've been able to do it before. I've easily put hours of tutoring in Nikes and New Balances. I should imagine Adidas wouldn't be much different.
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Comments (3)
Jeremy Strang 7
Kid, the cops ain't reading your texts. And if they were, that code wouldn't save you.
RichardPencil 32
What's the problem? Just put three hours of tutoring in the blue Adidas. How hard can that be? It seems like you've been able to do it before. I've easily put hours of tutoring in Nikes and New Balances. I should imagine Adidas wouldn't be much different.
It_gets_better 20
The number of people with no sense of humor (downvotes) is scary.
BurnInDemonFire 39
And? Did you want him to hang out with you or something? Are you trying to make Pineapple Express real?