Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML
Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box, "Face this side towards crowd for the best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on its side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
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Top comments
cheyluvsturtles 30
just be glad you still have a house. I am guessing he was to cheap to buy normal fireworks.
christophbak 14
Atleast no one got hurt... I hope
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Comments (37)
moodyreallyrocks 27
Fireworks are dangerous, in general, but homemade fireworks could be especially hazardous. Hope no one got hurt OP, don't let it ruin your celebrations!!
kat2943 20
Am I the only one who's going to point out the 'America's birthday' thing?
gracehi 33
No, someone beat you to it.
MandieL 27
And even Wikipedia calls it Americas birthday. I guess it depends who taught you as there are a few dates you could use, depending on your outlook
CloudNiner 13
I support you're grandfather
chosha_fml 27
Is he trying to win a Darwin Award?
toolazytotype99 18
Hoorah
zedjaleaf1 11
So that's what happened in Central Park.
RosaMaravillosa 10
that's not ok, and kinda scary. I mean, who thinks 'You know what would really rock at this party. bombs.'
interesting33 37
That was idiotic
umirin534 12
Where was the police to shoot anyone of you (randomly)? Oh and your dad? A classic day in murica where people play with guns and heavy fireworks! So don't be too harsh to him, not his fault for being American!
GamerGuy55 7
This sounds a lot darker than what it's probably intended to be