Today, I was on the toilet when my cat came in and jumped up on the sink. Apparently my lap looked like a comfier seat, so she jumped onto it. She misjudged the distance, but luckily caught herself by sliding to a stop, with her claws in my bare thighs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was teasing my cat with a piece of string when suddenly my phone rang. I answered it with one hand and put the string down with the other onto my lap. The beast seized the opportunity to spring, claws out, onto my privates. FML
Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Today, I was on a plane heading home from vacation with the family, when went to relieve my bladder and stepped on someone's shit. They seemingly decided the floor was a better then the toilet. I walked all the way back to my seat with shit on my sandal, my sister thought I'd shat myself. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML
Today, I was in the toilet. Some idiots thought it was funny to throw a water balloon into the cubicle. The balloon didn't pop, but fell in the toilet, sending my own urine onto my shorts. I had 4 hours left of school. FML
Today, I cleaned my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, I went to my grandmother's house to pick up her cat to take him to the vet. She forgot who I was and sprayed me in the face with pepper spray. FML
Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML
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Top comments
grahmagog 14
Im sure all cats are just russian spies...hellbent on human annihilation
tomhofer 14
One would think that by now people would refrain from letting cats in the bathroom
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Comments (73)
carebear808 12
YDI because you should have closed the door. And locked it. Nobody wants to watch you go to the bathroom, that's disgusting.
HarroIAmBob 21
what if OP lives alone?
nightbirdblue 27
What if OP's door is broken and doesn't stay closed?
ImmaBabyGoat 13
When you have a cat, there is no such thing as going to the bathroom alone.
worldclassrager 41
Why was the door open? It it wasn't...I am still a bit confused...
jmcr 27
Keep a spray bottle next to the toilet so when you go and the cat looks like its going to up you spray it cats hate that
memebep 6
unfortunately my cats do the same thing. it don't matter if I lock the door, they'll crawl underneath regardless if I put something there or not. they're too smart.
brilliantideas 6
Yep, they will always get in unless you have a padlock then they will meow until you give in and just open the door. Cats own us.
boshbish 14
Haha. Being clawed by your cat is like a right of passage for cat owners. Lock the door next time OP!
JaneDoe1024 6
one reason I prefer dogs.
jmacfan1 16
All these people are saying lock the door. What if OP's bathroom door doesn't have a lock? Mine doesn't and I'll bet the most people's bathroom doors don't have locks either
migmit 11
Installing the lock takes about 5 minutes.
nightbirdblue 27
It might take not that long, but if you live in a place that you don't own, renting, living with parents, or whatever, adding in things like that would need to be approved by the actual house or apartment owner.
T1A2Z3 35
What person says no to a lock on the toilet door?
kenleybunch 15
I love cats, but I swear they are the most asshole-ish of animals. THEY DO IT ON PURPOSE
nightbirdblue 27
That is true enough, but since they do it on purpose, you can expect it. You can never expect when your average dog will be an asshole because dogs do things like that mostly on accident.
ZodiacalComa7 11
And you let it in? Ewwww...