Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
Today, my dad was making drinks for my mom and himself, so I asked him to make me some coffee too. When he brought me my drink, I took a sip, and realized he'd poured salt in it. As I gagged, he muttered, "Next time, make it yourself." FML
Today, I was running late for work and grabbed what I thought was my Stanley mug of coffee. Halfway to work, I took a big swig only to realize I had grabbed my son’s thermos of chicken noodle soup, which I then spat out. My car now smells like a deli, and I'm still uncaffeinated. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML
Today, I was driving with my mom. She had some soda with her from earlier, and even though it was probably warm, I was thirsty. I ask for a sip, she hands it to me and says sure. And I get a mouthful of ash-and-cigarette-butt-filled soda. Apparently she didn't feel the need to mention this to me. FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I decided to spice up my lunch by adding hot sauce to my sandwich. Little did I know, the hot sauce bottle had a faulty cap, and as I squeezed it, the entire contents shot directly into my eye. Now, not only is my lunch ruined, but I also look like I just auditioned for a role in a tear-jerker movie. FML
Today, I was at a big family reunion at my aunt's place. Before dinner, I went outside in the garden for a smoke. Through the kitchen window, I saw my cousin spit in the soup. Twice. My aunt patted his back and continued stirring. FML
Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML
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Top comments
liv_graham 7
**** your life indeed. It's really your parents fault though. I'm suggesting for Christmas buy your mother an ash tray, and your father sensible seasonings.
FizzyApple 3
One time I drank my step-dad's chewing tobacco spit from a soda bottle. I feel your pain.
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Comments (99)
DocBastard 40
You drank from a random soda can sitting on the counter? Nothing good could possibly be in there! You're lucky it was only ash. It could have been used as a spittoon or a urinal.
Mrjangleybits 1
Urinal? If inbetweeners has told me anything it's that peeing In a can is not a good idea
CallMeMcFeelii 14
Inbetweeners is hilarious. If you like that show, check out Misfits. The first season was the best. It's only on Hulu though.
Mrjangleybits 1
Or 4od if you live in the uk but I've seen them all anyway
21cowsdig 2
Considering that the can was in their house, I don't think a family member or a relative will piss in a can.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
The soda is nasty. But the soup sounds perfect! Man up and eat manly meals! Hotter is always better.
emilyjgraham 34
not for your a hole!
gmaniac93 7
Damn thats hot.
Pleonasm 36
Chill-i, man, what's all the broth-er? Sodas that mean I can call you smokey joe, or would it be Dr.Pepper? I know, I know, I'm an ash. I'm not trying to get jalapeno face but I've got this burning desire to pun!
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Soup-er good job.
unknown_user5566 27
I've seen several "normal" comments by Pleonasm recently, but I think his pun comments are just what stick in everyone's minds.
ICastillo 25
Yeah true they're pun-tastic. Keep them coming pleo.
tsent8 15
Simply punderful.
Autocorrected 11
Clever. :)
alwayswinning123 7
Can you feel the burn?;)
mod3rator 2
Back that ash up and finish yo hot soup woman!!!
99megster 15
Go to the sink, turn the tap on cold full-blast, and put your tongue under. Problem solved
kxxjoejoexxk 8
Water does not help with the cascpian i dont know if i spelt it right but its what makes things hot its an oil so only gets swished around in water burning even more
CharresBarkrey 16
Milk is really the best thing to take the burn away.
Acik91 26
OP could also chew on some bread, with nothing spread on it.
winkydog4056 16
Been there, done that, got that T-shirt.....
soad2014 7
Soda doesn't even help with a hot tongue. Smart one.
unknown_user5566 27
Whenever you're spicy? How does one become spicy, exactly? :)