Today, after two months of having a bird, she finally trusts me enough to perch on and even preen me. Unfortunately, it seems she thinks my freckles are lice and she's made it her mission to bite them off. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to confront my fear of birds when my friend's pet bird was walking up to me. He got on my arm, climbed up, and attacked my face. FML
Today, I was getting a pedicure when the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds, because "they love skin." She then described for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML
Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until she said she owned a dog. My mom then immediately attempted to check her scalp for lice. FML
Today, after finally spending the night with my longtime crush, it's as if I can still feel her fingers caressing my hair. But wait, no, that's just the head lice she gave me. FML
Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML
Today, I tried to take a selfie with a squirrel and it bit me. FML
Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML
Today, I finally gave in and agreed to try holding my girlfriend's pet tarantula. The moment I did, it bit me. According to her she’s had him 4 years and he’s never so much as nipped her, never mind a full bite. Lucky me. My hand is twice the normal size and I can feel my heartbeat in it. FML
Today, I had the mole on my neck removed. By my pet bird. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Gotta love a healthy symboitic relationship
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Comments (1)
cuz803 46
Gotta love a healthy symboitic relationship