Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I leaned in to pet what I thought was a very realistic dog statue outside a café. It was a real dog. I startled it, screamed, spilled my coffee on myself, and the dog judged me. Loudly. FML
Today, I ran into a parked car and fell into the gutter. All because a dog suddenly barked at me. From the other side of a wooden fence. FML
Today, I rode my bike to the grocery store. I left my bike on the small bike rack they have outside the door. When I came out 5 minutes later I found someone had tied their enormous, growling German Shepard to the same rack. I had to wait for the owner to come out who then laughed at me. FML
Today, my bike slipped on ice and I slid spectacularly for several meters. While my helmet saved me from a cracked skull, nothing could protect me from landing leg-first in the dog poop somebody hadn't bothered to pick up. I had to go to school like that. FML
Today, I ran over a chipmunk. On my bike. Its mangled carcass got caught in the spokes and decided to join me on my ride. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when I slipped on some mud and fell onto my ass. As I fell, I let go of the leash, and my dog just stood there, staring at me in what seemed like curious judgment. FML
Today, my dog was riding my car's passenger seat. He clambered over onto my lap, causing me to lose control of the wheel for a few seconds. As I tried to knock him off me, I lost track of my speed, and ended up being pulled over for reckless driving. FML
Today, I was riding down a hill on my bike, doing a wheelie, when I lost control and started heading towards a woman on the sidewalk. Don't worry, I didn't hit her, the man beside her lunged and shoved my bike so hard that I hit concrete and broke three teeth. He then screamed, "Watch it, punk!" and walked off. FML
Today, my friend and I were racing on our bicycles when my chain snapped. I went over the handlebars and slid, on my back, for about ten feet. FML
Today, I was walking my husky when she saw a cat and bolted toward it. I couldn't let go of the leash because my hand was tangled up. Forced to run along, I ran into a parked van at full sprint. I lost my dog, broke two ribs and have to pay for the dent in the van. FML
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Top comments
lilhellian 27
He saw a human and acted like a statue so he wouldn't be disturbed! Clever boy!:D
ScaughtieHolden 11
Because every dog that isn't a statue will attack people...
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Comments (33)
saidoh_fml 26
Well at least in the end it didn't turn out to be a real dog. Plus your injuries if any were probably less than the damage said dog could have done.
ScaughtieHolden 11
Because every dog that isn't a statue will attack people...
MidnaLink 35
OP didn't exactly say what dog she saw, could've seen a bloody bloodhound for all we know. Plus, do you know how many large dogs have attacked and killed, especially other dogs and little kids
Trtny25 7
12 Yes, but typically the smaller breeds of dogs are more "vicious" then the larger breeds, the difference being that since the only damage is done to your pants, shoes and ankles, the owner thinks it's no big deal.
BellaBelle_fml 23
12 - The biggest contributing factor in aggressive behavior in any breed of dog is the way they have been trained and treated by their owners. You could have the biggest, strongest, fastest, and most commonly ferocious dog breed there is and they can still be completely safe around people, even small children, due to proper training, adequate exercise, and loving treatment by their owners. Contrariwise, you could have a smaller dog breed that is weak, slow, and normally docile and they can become extremely aggressive and violent towards everybody, including their owners, because of how they have been mistreated, a lack of adequate exercise, and a lack of proper training.
wlddog 14
My German Shepard lets my kids crawl on her and bite her. She just whines and carefully removes herself from harm. But if you try to break in she is trained to eat you alive. I love my dog. I have friends that come over all the time, and all she does is lick them. But,, UPS guys always seem to piss her off. Probably because they run up to the house, ring the door bell and take off. She thinks that is fishy.
Darkmagic666 9
18, exactly I have both a chow and pit bull and they both love attention and are very good with kids and small animals(though the chow doesn't like cats very much). They would only ever be aggressive if we were in danger. It really is all about training and how the dogs/ pet is treated.
saidoh_fml 26
Why am I getting voted down? All I did was point out the positive side of the situation.
WhisperSoflty 20
Because your comment is implying that had it been a real dog, the OP would have been mauled. I'm sure that all of the owners of properly trained big dogs took some offense to that implication.
FISHappens 5
Actually she said the dog *could* of hurt op. I love dogs with all my heart, and absolutely adore my little pomapoo, but dogs can be aggressive. I got attacked by a pit bull once, so I can easily see why they could be threatening too.
Mifflicious 18
#12, bloodhounds are usually gentle and loving dogs. They're not called "bloodhounds" because they'll rip you apart creating massive lakes of blood, if you thought that.
AlbinoMoose987 14
17 - I was at a cousins house and they had this VICIOUS chihuahua and I went inside to use the bathroom when they had the dog inside and it chased me around until it scratched and bit the back of my leg and I needed stitches, this was when I was 8
sammyf89 13
Ouch! Hope you're alright. Must have been a realistic looking statue (or you didn't look properly)
Damian95 16
It's all fun and games until someone breaks a chain.
lilhellian 27
He saw a human and acted like a statue so he wouldn't be disturbed! Clever boy!:D
FarFromSocial 9
Dog owner: Sit. Statue. Stay. Good boy!
upallnight11 19
Dog statue: +1 and OP: 0
ALlamaOnFire 20
You: -12
upallnight11 19
Nope -16 actually
DocBastard 40
That dog wasn't a statue, it's just REALLY good at sitting and staying.
LolPieRofl 11
Nope! Its Chuck Testa!
jjmiller1001 17
chill out, dogs enjoy a good stupid human trick once in a while. even if they aren't real.
oj101 33
That's barking mad.
Kidkaplan 19
Thats so, "roof"
EpicSquishii 21
No
andyyroxx 20
Ruff? Even so, refer to above response.
Miss_Attitude96 24
Even if it was a real dog, not all large dogs are mean and vicious.