Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was glued to the toilet all day, gushing fountains of crap, due to my own bad cooking. It got so bad that I ran out of toilet paper and had to desperately jump in the shower and stay there for nearly two hours. I can't even feel my own asshole any more. FML
Today, I'm constipated AND having diarrhea at the same time. It feels like I'm going to explode. FML
Today, after 4 days of constipation, I finally pooped. Sadly, I was not on the toilet. FML
Today, I finally got over having constipation for two days straight. It came in the form of a normal-sized, rock-hard turd that made me scream "Ow!" when it came out. FML
Today, after finishing a bottle and a half of pure cranberry juice to flush my bladder for a possible infection, I've been spewing liquid shits all day, my asshole burns, and it hurts to sit. FML
Today, it's been a week that I've had bad constipation. Overeating on my 16th birthday last week got me sick; since then I've pooped only once, and it took a hard push to go it out. Today I had my second poop. Good news: I did go. Bad: it happened on the bus home from school. My pals actually cheered when I finished straining. FML
Today, I have a bad case of diarrhea. The worst part isn’t even sharting in bed while sleeping naked. It’s the severe asshole pain from having to wipe my ass twenty times in twelve hours. FML
Today, I've realized that I have two modes: Constipated, or ultra explosive diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up with extreme stomach pains. After being rushed to the hospital and having numerous tests performed, I was told my intestines were over-stretched with stool. I'm essentially so full of shit it hurts. FML
Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML
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Top comments
Weezay 5
Lmfao!
Vulpes21 6
Did you finish before posting this. Or are you like a war correspondent on the front lines?
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Comments (315)
funky303 6
Don't forget to flush regularly or you'll get a Bono
cinderella10383 6
Just wanted to say yes FYL OP.... However I have IBS and this is a weekly occurrence for me. You're lucky it's a one time thing. Vomiting weekly, weeks worth of food coming out and extreme pain all through your stomach. It sometimes takes 4 hours to get through it all!
SweetPerfectionn 3
You're on the toilet when you wrote this? Feel better, OP.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Oh well... A clean colon is just one less thing to worry about!
argybargy 3
This too shall pass.
J9DeeZy 4
That sounds..just, tragic.
Robinshariece 1
Lmao that's just horrible. Poor thing
MuleCrater 1
Going through all that, and in the middle of it, the only thing you can think of is logging on to FML and sharing it with us. TYVM....
Betyboop15 0
Holey shit sounds like you shiting bricks
bubo_fml 11
Shout out to your house mates to bring you the fireplace poker. Hook one end of the turd & start pulling...After all, ya can't feel your ring piece, so ya might as well try to hurry the situation along...