Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, if I don't do work around the house, my girlfriend will call me a lazy pig and yell at me. If I do, she will yell because I didn't do it the right way. If I ask her to clarify the right way, she will call me a dumbass, give useless instructions, and work herself up into yelling at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit because I snatched a couple of her fries for myself. She regularly raids my snacks, takes food off my plate, and has even stolen my work lunches, but a couple of fries is too much to ask. FML
Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
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Top comments
Icyghost17 10
I suggest you start throwing tantrums, refusing to eat your veggies, and demanding bedtime stories. If you can't beat em, join em!
MasterGamer591 13
Talk to her like she is an old lady DO YOU UNDER....STAAAAAAAND miss
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Comments (164)
interesting33 37
Who beats children with a wooden spoon?? Take it off her and put it on top shelf or something!
SwAGkiLlS 5
Well... at least the spoon is kinda hot
Sandman366 6
Perhaps its one of the stranger bdsm techniques...or maybe she's in the mind of a 15 year old thinking she's a mother.
Livemusicxo 2
Dayum, take advantage of it turn it kinky!! Lol
fergnasty 14
Get a job and she won't treat you like you're three...
Levvy 22
Maybe you should get a job before criticizing people for not doing the same. What? You never said you didn't have one? Neither did the OP.
Alan2 24
Time to get off your ass!
catchbigtuna 0
Kick her to the curb.
taranpreet 7
She must be extremely fed up lol. I don't think she's trying to be abusive it's clear she loves him, but I don't think she's thought through how to get him to change. He's going to put up with it because [he's lazy and incompetent and] this isn't really testing him. OP probably finds this hilarious.
Sheh_fml 25
Well, are you? Then I fully understand her being fed up.
asherm 15
What a freak! Or maybe that's subtle hints that she's ready to be a mommy. Good luck OP!