Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early birthday present. With straight faces, they looked at me and said: "We signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it'll take a year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends' attempts to get me a girlfriend, even though I'm OK with being single, have gone too far. A "new girl" recently showed up and they're dead set on setting us up because, "You two get along so well!" Every time I try to explain to them that she's my cousin, they think I'm lying. I'm not lying. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML
Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML
Today, my little cousin, who just got a boyfriend, found out I've been single my whole life. She asked, "Is it because you're really ugly and awkward?" Yes. Yes, it is. FML
Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him get through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML
Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML
Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML
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Top comments
ohhhhshizzz 0
Oh dude, what a bitch. Well you should sign THEM up for some **** site.
rissyboo4 0
um, wow that's really unfortunate? on the bright side maybe you'll finally find your special someone =) first :D
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Comments (129)
jessb_fml 0
Wow. Harsh.
papertigers_fml 0
it take a year because you is ugly (just trying to speak your language here)
bmalloy1981 0
That sucks U should get them back somehow if someone ever did that to me i kick them where it counts
Rabyd 0
Lol.. #3 is right.
jillz 0
How rude of them. Definitely FYL. Just refuse to cooperate.
sheni_009 0
Actually I think that's really nice of them. They just want you to be happy.
anonymrs 0
It's kind of insulting that they bought it for you, but I would use it anyway if I were you. I know a lot of people who were sick of dating men with no jobs/ go nowhere jobs that weren't interested in commitment, and found something completely different than all that on eharmony.
SouLEater_fml 0
Hey i didn't see the most important question. Whats your User name? :D
miaumiau 0
that's expensive stuff! i signed up for match.com just for fun a couple of years ago, and even uploaded a dumb picture of myself. after i started getting people interested in me i put up a more serious profile/picture and now i'm engaged! it is a little insulting... but if you find your soulmate on there i don't think you'll be complaining. plus, it'll give you a great "how we met" story. :) good luck!
eeee93757 0
Judging by your incessant bitching they're probably on to something...