Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early birthday present. With straight faces, they looked at me and said: "We signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it'll take a year. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friends' attempts to get me a girlfriend, even though I'm OK with being single, have gone too far. A "new girl" recently showed up and they're dead set on setting us up because, "You two get along so well!" Every time I try to explain to them that she's my cousin, they think I'm lying. I'm not lying. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML
Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML
Today, my little cousin, who just got a boyfriend, found out I've been single my whole life. She asked, "Is it because you're really ugly and awkward?" Yes. Yes, it is. FML
Today, I told my cousin that I would gladly help him get through the loss of my aunt. That is until he started flirting with me. FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
Today, a guy professed his love for me in front of my friends. The guy is my first cousin. FML
Today, I called my mom to see how she was doing. She quickly hijacked the conversation and said that she's signed me up for a dating site, because she feels bad that I can't find a decent man. I've been dating my boyfriend for seven months, and she's seen me with him multiple times. FML
Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML
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Top comments
ohhhhshizzz 0
Oh dude, what a bitch. Well you should sign THEM up for some **** site.
rissyboo4 0
um, wow that's really unfortunate? on the bright side maybe you'll finally find your special someone =) first :D
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Comments (129)
rissyboo4 0
um, wow that's really unfortunate? on the bright side maybe you'll finally find your special someone =) first :D
a201 0
Will it?
ohhhhshizzz 0
Oh dude, what a bitch. Well you should sign THEM up for some **** site.
shrimp1234 4
I would want that.
jettangeles 6
There's nothing wrong with that.
PeePeeVagina 0
should smack them.
grocky 0
Good luck, loner!
Victoria2103 0
They were just trying to be nice. And better pay for too much time than not enough, right? ;)
tdutch712 0
happy birthday!
smiles1234456 0
aw that's sad :( they were probably just trying to be nice though :) did they get you anything else i hope?
BaldOuting 0
at least they remembered your birthday.
AMelodyofJuly 0
Ouch.