Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML
Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
You should've said. "Yeah, and if you think the toe is bad, you should see his penis." The quickest way to hurt a man is to hurt his penis, figuratively or literally.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I probably would've just said, "If it was sex related, you weren't with me. I did see you trip over the dog toy, however." It's funny what people say in weird situations. Maybe he was just nervous or felt stupid for tripping over a dog toy?
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Comments (54)
stieglar 17
I'm sorry that's hilarious lol
jlujan00_fml 9
In the moment that pretty embarrassing but that's hilarious
Hildy93 21
Just say you got a little too rough and like biting toes. Can't be too weird right.....?
OneFourNine 9
"Yeah, he tripped and fell when he tried to suck his own dick".
MrZsDad 19
So how exactly do you use the Kong toy? Lol
snickerpuss 9
Even if it was sex related, having sex with your husband is nothing to be embarrassed about
imbedderdenu 23
Ha! your husband sounds like a funny guy! However mortifying you must have giggled a LITTLE?
Jhondo_fml 8
Lol
vikky538 29
He is a keeper
my_dog_paco1205 14
I feel he plan this.