Today, my husband broke his toe after tripping over one of our dog's toys. Instead of telling the doctors what actually happened, he said it was "sex related". I had to sit there, beet red with embarrassment, getting weird looks while he giggled to himself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was on the floor playing with the dog, my husband walked past, tripped over something, and fell on me, smashing his bony elbow right into my crotch. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting frisky. All was going well until I decided to go down on him, causing him to freak out, thinking I was going for his butt, ending the night with a black eye from being knee'd in the face. FML
Today, I broke my toe. After telling my friend about it, he promptly stomped on it to "see what my reaction would be." FML
Today, my boyfriend won't talk to me because I let a giggle slip during sex and he's convinced I was laughing at him. FML
Today, I tripped really hard and twisted my ankle on a toy that was on the floor, dropping a bag of trash filled with coffee and energy drinks my husband has piled around his desk. Instead of helping me up or helping me clean, he berated me about it. Told me that it's not my problem and went to his LoL game. FML
Today, while in the shower with my boyfriend, I tried to heat things up by washing his knob with my loofa. He couldn't stop laughing and eventually laughed so hard that he slipped and fell. He now has a bruised butt while I have a missing toenail from catching his fall. Ouch. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It would have been a lot sexier had our chihuahua not decided to rim his ass as he thrust into me, causing him to break out into a case of the giggles. FML
Today, my husband was involved in a horrible series of accidents; he repeatedly slipped and fell into my best friend's vagina. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, I was hanging out with my friends when I tripped and a chair rolled over my foot, breaking a bone. A friend, who didn't believe me, then dogpiled on top of me and laughed as I screamed. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
You should've said. "Yeah, and if you think the toe is bad, you should see his penis." The quickest way to hurt a man is to hurt his penis, figuratively or literally.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I probably would've just said, "If it was sex related, you weren't with me. I did see you trip over the dog toy, however." It's funny what people say in weird situations. Maybe he was just nervous or felt stupid for tripping over a dog toy?
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Comments (54)
SoulEaterSE 23
You're married to a child
tabbycat2007 22
Ease up there, fun hater. It was just a harmless joke.
townailz 16
Whatever makes his toe feel better right?
BiGTiMeNeRD 29
The doctor can only assume that he broke his toe up her ass because only the sphincter is that strong.
Polynomial 28
Or he kicked the foot board.
shinikageWolf 15
"If he broke it during sex you may want to make sure his anus is alright too."
wordygirl 11
I would have not been able to keep my mouth shut on that one. I would have said, "Oh really now, seriously? You just wait till we get home." My husband embarrasses me alot don't get me wrong, but that right there is a humdinger.
bandaidstations 28
I would never tell my husband "just wait till we get home" because he is a grown man and not a child to threaten with punishment. But I downvoted you for using humdinger seriously.
chosha_fml 27
OR you could have just rolled your eyes and said he tripped. YDI for sitting there silent like it was true.
beeferjay 34
60 percent of the time, it works... everytime
False_Stupidity 42
And nine out of ten random people that have never heard of the internet say that 98.76% of statistics found on the internet are made up.
itwasntme14 19
@18 you've never watched Anchorman have you?
oceaneyes213 21
I probably would have been giggling along with him.
trevorsw1987 10
at least he didn't break his dick or things might have been really awkward
rvontr88 21
Dammit that's what I was going to say!!
worldclassrager 41
That has to be one strange position to get that to happen