Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to shit worse than I thought possible at work. I left my desk and hurried towards the bathroom, dropping trou as soon as the door closed. I then tripped over my pant leg, hit my head on the toilet, and came to some minutes later with my ass spewing diarrhea like a volcano. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML
Today, I thought I was going to shit myself at work. I speed-walked all the way to the bathroom clenching for dear life. Barely got my pants down while simultaneously sitting and unleashing. After all that, it was just a gigantic fart. FML
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML
Today, I had to flush someone else's shit in the public washroom at work. It was so vile, I didn't want to get anywhere near it, so flushed it with my foot, only for it to slip off the handle and into the toilet. FML
Today, I had horrible diarrhea at work. When I felt the bubbling, I ran to the bathroom. An agonizing bowel movement later, I realized that there was no toilet paper in the stall. Just as I was about to ask a coworker who was in the bathroom for some, the fire alarm went off. FML
Today, at work, I felt a sudden, all-too-familiar pain in my stomach. I ran for the restroom, but before I could get there, I shat myself. I had to limp the rest of the way, then beg my boss to let me go home. He said no and told me to get back to work. FML
Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
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Top comments
MegasaurusRex89 28
People are disgusting. I've unfortunately seen that several times at my job. Sorry about the panic attack :(
IAmzephyr 22
Poopnado 3: the toilet incident
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Comments (77)
NostalgiaFreak9 43
I saw something similar to that at my school once. It was all over the seat and the floor.
tehdarkness 21
Surely you could have just walked out and handled it better than that.
Flyndaran 10
What part of anxiety-panic attack disorder are people having trouble with? It's like wondering how someone with a phobia could be afraid of something not dangerous. If it made sense, it wouldn't be a phobia. I'm feeling the urge to pat OP on the back for the ability to work at all with that severity of issues. I wish I could.
katydid91 31
I'm sorry you had to witness such carnage. When I was younger I went to my local YMCA and saw a turd sitting on a changing bench. There had been no attempt whatsoever to make it to the toilet.
cjfred 13
I've witnessed similar disasters, and yes, it sucks. But in fairness, if that's enough to set off an anxiety attack, you should probably seek a doctor's advice and perhaps some medication.
newyearstandup 13
Wow. Good to know that this happens at other peoples work too. Incredible that people can be so revolting and careless. I would be mortified if I had left that mess! Hope you are feeling better OP.
thatonedude55 8
That's horrible and I'm horribly sorry for your anxiety attack (I had anxiety too), but that description was too beautiful crafted.
nphill82 21
Haha, thanks I laughed out loud. Poop jokes are funny
CandyApple88 13
So you have middle easterners at your workplace too huh, And don't start on the blah blah racist shit - if you haven't worked with them yourself, you have no idea.
askanother 3
The word "shit grenade" popped into my head and now I'm crying from laughter. Sorry OP