Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Today, I came home to my son crying and packing a bag, with his laptop smashed on the floor. He said he needed to run away because a "crazy military guy" was coming to kill him. I logged in to his account and found that someone had sent him the Navy SEAL copypasta. He's 16. FML
Today, I found out someone, most likely my psycho ex, has been posing as me on local interest websites, trolling a load of people, and giving them my address so they can come fight me. I found this out when a gentleman showed up at my house wanting to beat me shitless. FML
Today, I attempted to threaten my daughter's boyfriend to keep him from breaking her heart. I'm a 230-pound former soldier. He's a karate black belt. My family watched me get beat up by a 120-pound teenager. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, a guy came by my house and demanded my fiancé come out and fight. He explained that my fiancé had been stupid enough to not only troll on a local interest forum, but to leave his name and our address, inviting people to "come shut me up if you think you're tough enough." FML
Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML
Today, a punk-looking college kid was making fun of my mentally handicapped son. Out of anger, I punched him in the face. I got handcuffed and thrown into a police car. The kid stood there laughing and pointing at me. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
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Top comments
igg125 30
Stolen valor, I am at a loss for words. Why would anyone lie about military service. And if you do lie about it don't pick a fight with a SEAL.
GhostFox 34
Punish your son, and press charges against said muscle head. Seriously, press charges. Someone that rage-prone does not need to walk unpunished. Even putting aside that he did it under the assumption you were employed by the USA Military.
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Comments (94)
shanson 22
There are these programs marines do that are basically 24 hours of their boot camp. Sign your kid up for one of those, then tell him that training is the easiest part of what they do. Then take him to meet local vets and hear some of their stories. Hopefully he'll learn why stolen valor is such a big deal
WAKingUP91 11
Kind of sounds like you and your son have some issues y'all need to work out. It just sounds planned. . . I've been watching too much conspiracy shit.
shinikageWolf 15
Sounds like your son needs to be grounded for the rest of the millennia.
aliciousness116 16
Oh damn, that kid is going to be grounded big time, for a long long time lol.
mrsmikelowrey 15
Press charges against that guy and then your son for accessory to assault and identity theft. Teach him a lesson. Stolen valor is not some little shit thing. I come from a family of Marines and Soldiers. That shit pisses me off. THEN he told that guy to beat you up. No matter what, that's exactly what he did when he posted your picture, said you were a SEAL, and then got into an argument that said "come fight me" in it.
techiejames 8
Time to press charges against both your son and the Navy SEAL.
ViviMage 40
There is no Navy SEAL. The kid posed as one online and dared a muscle head to a fight with the person in the photo, the father.
EnJey0 19
That guy is an idiot, but your son should be punished. Impersonating a member of the military is a crime.
clawstrophobic 15
Ask the meathead to instead beat up your son, since he was the person that said those things, and grounding him doesn't compare to what he did
bad_boyfriend 10
You people are dumb. Stolen valor isn't saying you served when you didn't. That has never been prosecuted and never will be. Stolen valor is when you obtain some type of benefit by lying about service. If you don't obtain a benefit, it's not a crime. Google the law you idiots.
sgdigaetano 3
Your son needs some serious intervention.