Today, the lady running the pastry shop asked who I buy the second pastry for every day. I lied and told her that it's for a coworker. I eat them both. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML
Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML
Today, I overheard my coworkers talking about how someone has been stealing lunches from the office fridge. Feeling guilty, I admitted that I took a sandwich yesterday, thinking it was free. Turns out, they were joking to see who’d confess. FML
Today, feeling generous, I bought a dozen donuts for my coworkers. Instead, I ended up taking them into my office and eating all of them in the first hour. FML
Today, a coworker left a chocolate cake on the "free food" table in the office. I had a slice. She's just called to ask if she left her grandmother's birthday cake at work. She made it from scratch. Now I'm baking a new cake in the office kitchen. FML
Today, my boss ate a small piece of paper off her desk, thinking it was frosting. I have to work for this woman. FML
Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML
Today, my co-worker offered me sweets, then chocolate and then biscuits. Repeatedly. She knows I'm trying to diet for my wedding. She does this every day. FML
Today, I went and bought lunch for all the people I work with. The only meal the place forgot was mine. FML
Today, I went to a grocery store after work, exhausted. I nodded politely at a woman who smiled at me repeatedly. I realized at checkout she thought I was someone she knew. I nodded through a full conversation without knowing who I was pretending to be. FML
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Top comments
allmidnighteyes 11
"Today, I'm afraid to admit to someone I don't know that I enjoy good food. FML" Good lord, if you're that ashamed of it, I'll take that second pastry. ****, I'll even take both of them.
jangalianxi 6
why lie? just say you enjoy a tasty treat.
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Comments (49)
wtfimnotgay 0
inb4 grammar nazi. You cant really eat them both if its past then you would say, i ate them. f the moderators life. OP, its none of her buisness to ask in the first place.
wtfimnotgay 0
nevermind. reread the fml.
VirGo88 0
LOL, so what if you eat them both! Just be yourself ;)
BrotherTheo 31
I used to eat a lot of baked goods actually. I changed to high protein stuff first thing in the am, it helped a Lot. Drop the pastries, and get a slim-fast drink or something with an apple. The high protein stuff will help you feel fuller longer. I know :).
gabrielleangeliq 0
Yeah because I can see how that's working out for you by your profile picture.
SeasonedLemur 5
Oh **** off 29 you miserable bitch.
BrotherTheo 31
Why thank you for noticing, I've lost about 50 lbs since that pic actually....
WishResign 0
29, uncalled for
KeefB 0
Whoa man, don't listen to that 'gurl'. 29 is a corn husking dick ****. I love you(platonic).
BWill9014 4
IMO OP is a bit soft... idk what has caused you to be this way... maybe ppl making fun of you brought on the insecurities? or maybe you're just one of the 100 million or more women out there that constantly find excuses to call themselves fat... in either case work on not being so moved by other people's responses about yourself
CallMeHush 1
She was hinting that you are getting fat.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
No, I'm hinting that you're getting fat. Now go get me some firewood.
pickles1994 18
lol brave lmao
CallMeHush 1
I'm on it, chop chop.
jonverdevex 0
ya who cares what she think enjoy your self. you only live once
drunkinstl 0
your pic made me lol in rl. you win 100 internets
DrButtermaker 0
My answer to that would be "I'm buying it for the same person who forgot to teach you to mind your ******* business"
babygurl329 0
Accept yourself
JazzytheMan 3
Maybe she thought you didn't eat it because you're thin? I mean, if you WERE a fattie, most people assume that you would eat both.