Today, my uncle drove to my house in his tractor, beer in one hand, and a radio strapped to the dash blasting country music at unimaginable volume. Neither of us live on a farm. Half the neighborhood stood angrily glaring at us until we went inside. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML
Today, at a family gathering, I was talking to my uncle about my "awful neighbor who smokes pot all day while listening to shitty bro country, and tries to cover the smell with cheap incense." After a moment of awkward silence, I remembered my cousin, his son, is my neighbor. He was more offended by the fact that I'd insulted his taste in music. FML
Today, I called the cops on my elderly neighbor for blaring loud war music yet again. They chatted and laughed with him on his lawn for a good half hour. As they left, he slapped the female officer's ass, only for her to just giggle about it. After they drove off, he fired up his music again. FML
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, my grandpa was visiting. My neighbors started blasting out rap music, as they've done nearly 24/7 for months, telling me to fuck off when I complain. He went over and screamed he'd gut them like fish if they didn't pipe down. They did. He's 68 and still more intimidating than me. FML
Today, we have an asshole neighbor who owns a loud muscle car. Another neighbor called the cops on him for constantly revving the engine and breaking the noise ordinance. He now purposefully drives by their house at odd hours of the night to blare his horn and wake everybody up. I live across the road from them. FML
Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML
Today, I regret asking my neighbor to turn down his music last night. When I left for work, I found his car parked so close to mine that I couldn't squeeze between them. His wife's was parked the same way on the other side. They wouldn't answer their door and I ended up being late to work. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML
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Top comments
MichaelT17 9
Thug life
grahambertus 11
You just need to embody the spirit of the redneck. The inner hick wants to be free.
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Comments (55)
Polynomial 28
Hey OP, you make his tractor sexy ;)
Omniprism 15
I think your uncle sounds awesome.
dwc2134 5
Worse things have happened, and **** the neighbours. They kinda sounds like they need to take life less seriously, as do you. It's not like anyone involved is getting out alive.
slacker92 9
Haha SSSSOOOOOOO awesome! I'm actually really jealous of you OP
Kyle_Kawi27 7
Your neighbors are rude...they do things people dont like but yet they carry on as if its perfectly ok and not noticable.
hillbillyboy1993 7
what the hell is wrong with that??? sounds like what was left of my ag class's "drive ur tractor to school day" when yuppyville got built around the highschool
PaintedTempest 14
I would LOVE to have an ag class like that. Our teacher just sit around and text and bs all the time. We don't do anything.
AngrySailor 17
I used to drive a tractor into the city to mow the large field behind a family members property. Its a tourist town and judging by the number of people taking pics, they have never seen a tractor go through the burger drive through... Your uncle is the shit! Cruising on a tractor when the sun is shining is a nice slow paced way to soak in the scenery and just chill. Almost like an afternoon on a motorcycle. Easier to drink beer on though and cops never pullover tractors!
KylarStern19 7
You know you're a red neck when...
buddy51 23
So he escaped from his trailer, evaded grampa and his backhoe, stole a tractor, cranked up the sounds, and drove to your house for refuge! Still, a better love story than Twilight!
pattayarick 8
Hey, I don't play for the Red Sox, but I wear a Red Sox jersey.