Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was watching porn when I heard my mom call for me. I closed my laptop right as she walked in my room. The sound, however, kept going. FML
Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML
Today, I was watching porn and found my mom on a webcam. When I told her that I saw her, she just took away my computer and told me to get off porn. FML
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML
Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML
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Top comments
CRC_101 31
I mean, she's probably not wrong if you're calling a girl in a **** video the girl of your dreams.
Jon Tessler 14
doors have locks on them for a reason
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Comments (9)
Aiden89 23
Maybe shave the neck beard too
Jon Tessler 14
doors have locks on them for a reason
cacheson 42
Not everyone’s door has a lock. My room didn’t when I was a teenager
Hangryko 32
YDI for not locking your door.
RichardPencil 32
The girl of your dreams lets you watch **** while you're having sex with her? Hmm, not on my list of dream girl attributes, but whatever. Hope she wasn't too insulted by your mom's rude comment.
jkjorn 18
Mamma knows best! I'd heed her advice if I were you.
Plop 17
You weren't "approaching climax with the girl of [your] dreams". You were jerking it in your bedroom while watching ****. There's nothing wrong with taking care of oneself, but it's quite pathetic that you feel the need to phrase it like you were doing something romantic. The girl of your dreams is probably getting rawdogged as we speak by some guy who doesn't spend his days beating his meat in a basement while thinking about her.
CRC_101 31
I mean, she's probably not wrong if you're calling a girl in a **** video the girl of your dreams.
randybryant799 21
Sorry but she's right.
OxfordPictionary 10
Everyone's talking **** but I thought it was a long distance like, skype/phone sex kinda thing. I've done that with my ex before.