Today, my always over-emotional husband burst into sobs when I thanked him for making me lunch. Apparently, I did not compliment his cooking enough. He microwaved me a Hot Pocket; it was still frozen in the middle. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend has a freezer full of his favorite dish, which I cooked for him, yet he is subsisting on chocolate and those pathetic ready-made sandwiches from the supermarket. Why? Thawing and heating up a meal is too much trouble when I’m not there to do it for him. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, as I was running late for work, I asked my husband to pack me some hard boiled eggs for lunch. When I went on my lunch break, I went to crack my eggs only to discover they were completely raw. When confronted, my husband said, “Well you didn’t say I had to cook them first!” FML
Today, I felt bad about rarely complimenting my mom about her cooking, so during dinner, I raved about her incredible, creamy, macaroni and cheese. It came from a box. FML
Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML
Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum because I asked him to put away the leftovers from dinner. Yeah, because I guess me going to the grocery store, then preparing and serving the food AFTER working a 10 hour day wasn’t enough. Thanks babe. FML
Today, my husband’s coworker made lunch for him again complete with a “cute” note. I cook every day, but somehow this single woman finds it appropriate to cook and pack lunch for my husband. When I told him it needs to stop, he said I was being too jealous, and she’s just a nice lady. FML
Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
Today, as I watched my boyfriend bake cookies, I said he was "domesticated." He looked at me like I'd just pissed on his mother's grave and has been cold and distant all evening. What the fuck? It's a compliment, you dick. FML
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Top comments
Dale Gulley 8
It sounds like there *may* be some underlying issues going on. Or agree with another commenter, watch Patton.
RichardPencil 32
This is the comment that made you cringe? Don't read what I said about the girl with the ugly asshole. It might kill you!
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Comments (14)
Raymond Reyes 4
I was pretty sure you were my wife for a bit because I made her one and I didn’t cry so I was like wtf the irony behind the timing is exquisite
RichardPencil 32
You should memorize the Jim Gaffigan Hot Pockets comedy bit and recite it when he prepares this delicacy. He'll laugh so hard, he won't notice you tossing the half-frozen junk in the garbage.
RichardPencil 32
This is the comment that made you cringe? Don't read what I said about the girl with the ugly asshole. It might kill you!
bloopaloop 27
Make him watch the opening speech of the movie “Patton”.
Dale Gulley 8
It sounds like there *may* be some underlying issues going on. Or agree with another commenter, watch Patton.
arhill6183 4
99% sure he is closeted. No straight guy would do that.
Todd Klopfer 11
I am gay and I don't know any gay guys that would do that.
tounces7 28
Yeah there are complete wusses who are into either men or women. Hopefully for his sake he just has something really minor wrong with him like a brain tumor, and it's not just his normal personality.
lateralligator 12
He needs to see a Doctor. It's no fun to live with those kind of overwhelming reactions (speaking from experience)
Katy Elizabeth Deppe 5
sounds like he needs help in the mental health department
Ariane Bolt 6
My brother wrote a book called The Favored, where the following are arrestable offenses: Not expressing sufficient gratitude to God for literally everything good you ever get Not having a working phone attached to your body at any particular time Generosity (eg, if God wanted them to have money, it would just fall out of the sky and hit them) Being poor (eg, you must have done something wrong if God doesn't want you to have money) This marriage doesn't seem much better.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Your brother deserves a swift kick to the nards for writing such bullshit, and you need a smack in the mouth for spreading it.
sickerthanyou 13
Maybe his exes took him for granted?, I know I cry too when my current girl thanks me for something.