Today, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend and I used to have a sex life, and even talked to each other before Elden Ring was released, but I can't remember. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML
Today, my boyfriend really gets off hearing me talk about previous sexual experiences in extreme detail while we are having sex. I have run out of real stories, so now I just make stuff up, but it's getting hard keeping track. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML
Today, my boyfriend bought Elden Ring and hasn’t listened to me once all day. At one point I got his attention by waving my bare boobs at him to remind him it’s his turn to cook. Unfortunately he didn’t listen to me then either, because, you know, my boobs were out and his ears shut down. FML
Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about sex and I asked him if he had ever finished inside a woman. He looked directly into my eyes and said, "Babe... I have a son, remember?" Yeah, I forgot. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't know what it's like to be turned on. Apparently, I've been doing something wrong for the past two years. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML
Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML
Today, I was having sex with the guy I've been in love with for years. I moaned, "say my name." He didn't know it. FML
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Top comments
Boyufd 25
didn't it just come out?
RichardPencil 32
Maybe he's putting on the Elden Ring wrong and it's cutting off the blood supply. You should never try a new sex device right away. Wait until they work the kinks (pun intended, you're welcome) out!
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Maybe he's putting on the Elden Ring wrong and it's cutting off the blood supply. You should never try a new sex device right away. Wait until they work the kinks (pun intended, you're welcome) out!
Marcella1016 32
Given your impressive knowledge on Elden Ring use, I’d say YOU’RE well-come!
Boyufd 25
didn't it just come out?
Lord_Hades 14
You should be more understanding. It’s Elden Ring! Sometimes I ask my girlfriend for oral when I play. That can really raise the difficulty of a game. If you do it really good he may put down the controller and play with you instead!
andrewgr 4
My wife generally gives me a two-week grace period when a game I've really been looking forward to comes out. I took Friday and Monday off work to play through the 4 day weekend, and she was very gracious about it. The key is talking about it in advance, and setting expectations. For example, if you had agreed in advance that you would spend 30 minutes together for dinner, and that you'd cuddle before you went to sleep, even if he got back out of bed to continue playing, he might have been totally fine with that, because it's a fixed amount of time.
Dirtysalamander1 13
it barely just came out. relax and do your own thing. in due time yall fondle each other again.
Jonkbaby 23
What is that, a book?