Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML
Today, we were having a little bonfire. At some point, while I was inside, my stupid roommate filled a beer can with lighter fluid and threw it in the fire, resulting in it spewing 5-foot flames, catching the pile of wood and the chair next to it on fire. FML
Today, not only did my boyfriend set my hair on fire, but he attempted to put it out by dumping bong water on my head. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. I walked about 3 miles to the nearest house to call a tow truck. When I got back to where I left my car, it was gone. FML
Today, instead of spending New Year's Eve having a romantic night out with my fiancé as we'd planned, I'm spending it sitting beside him in the hospital because his friends convinced him to go off-road ghost-riding in the dead of night. FML
Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML
Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML
Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML
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Top comments
dontbegayy 0
dump him .
redbluegreen 41
And you want to marry someone so absent minded?
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Comments (249)
RathaPride02 6
Maybe hes not stupid and burn the wedding paperd on purpose so he wouldnt have to get married
TomHarrow 5
your fiancé is a douche.
newburton13 26
Throw him out and make him pay for all the damages.
CherryToothache 17
I hope you're thinking twice about marrying him until he can be responsible and not completely stupid!
shinshoku13 19
Sounds like you married peter griffin
thisisabaduser 0
its not a typical male he must just be brain dead. to go so far as to lighting a candle on top of a whole bunch of wedding papers anything sound like that is beyond me obviously he had some have a problem take your man
jessikamahone 6
You're kidding right
mountaindru 0
@7 why do feel the need to stereotype men like that? I don't think horrible of all women just because your an ignorant raging ****.
Ugi 27
What a truly incredible idiot! This is now nearly 4 years old so hopefully you're long rid of him by now, but seriously? Do you really want your children to have those genes? The single biggest factor in a kid's IQ is his/her parent's IQ, you know!
xs4u 13
ur husband has no brains. beyond stupid. divorce the trash bag and move on. hope u dont have kids from this retard
pandalover69 26
Fiance, not husband, can you read?