Today, I had dinner with my girlfriend of five months along with my mom and dad. It all was going fine until my mom asked aloud, "Everything going smooth for you in the bedroom?" to which my girlfriend replied, "No." I'd actually been painting the master bedroom at my parent's house for some extra cash. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I had dinner for the first time with my boyfriend's parents. It was awkward enough without his mom asking, "So, what do you do for fun, besides my son?" FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home for dinner. My mom was being unusually quiet, so I thought she was trying to be polite. After dinner, she pulled me aside and asked why I'd never mentioned that my girlfriend had dated my brother. Apparently everyone knew except me. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
boone_fml 0
Try communicating with your girlfriend about how you can take her to the bone zone. It doesn't matter what your mom was talking about. If she's not happy she's not happy.
llllllllllllllll_fml 0
she is dumb. who would answer that question?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
ultravioletbaby 0
After five months? Wow.
thatoneguyinca 0
learn how to please the little man in the boat, it works wonders
Casualt1234 0
fyl for having a dumb girlfriend. but ydi for not building some stamina, it's not that hard.
Casualt1234 0
hello again KaySL. I am seeing you a lot today ^-^
Casualt1234 0
*nervously chuckles.* *shifts eyes with suspicion.*
Intoxicunt 6
Where's MY anal probe? :(
Intoxicunt 6
Ohh, I know "the language of the hands" alright. ;)
Casualt1234 0
hey what's this now? there's a party underneath my post and i wasn't invited? >:/
Casualt1234 0
anal probes, "language of the hands," sacrificing goats - it all sounds like a blast and of course seeing how everyone on FML is obsessed with threesomes...
Casualt1234 0
who am i to judge? sounds like wholesome fun.
Casualt1234 0
*grins with pride* this is the greatest accomplishment of my life
Intoxicunt 6
I'm baaack! Yes, I'm seducing you. Or more like giving you fair warning of the things I'm going to do to you. Casualt, welcome. Did you bring the virgin?
Casualt1234 0
well yes i brought starchild, but he ran off somewhere.... :/
DresdenB17 0
another unsmooth moment brought to you by kestone light. always smooth, even when your not. I love this story. I normally think the filth on here is all bullshit but this one is a goldmine
Igor_g5 0
YDI for not knowing how to take care of a woman in bed.
CatherineARE 0
how could you have dinner when(right now its 2:22) ?
redbluegreen 41
Just because it's posted 'Today' and at a certain time is almost always irrelevant to the actual FML. For all we know, it could've happened ten years ago and they just altered their story slightly and kept the punchline.
canucksrule88 0
there is also this thing called time zones, meaning even if its a certain time where you are, it could be a totally different time somewhere else in the world. also this was probably written up hours or even days ago so there are a lot of factors to consider
Plumppotato 3
BURN
Treece 0
Well someone isn't laying it down. FYL
Casualt1234 0
this is why you build stamina when your **********. especially if you have the time to do it.
Intoxicunt 6
You win. Although I think they called it "donkey style" back then.