Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to an amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was drinking too much and I had to pee constantly, so I went to bed without my girlfriend. Hours later she woke me up wanting sex, but she realized that I'd pissed the bed. FML
Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year woke me up at 4:30 in the morning by sticking her hand down my pants. She immediately stopped when I was awake enough to reciprocate and said, "I couldn't sleep. I was bored. Talk to me." FML
Today, I woke up next to a beautiful, half-naked brunette in my bed. Two minutes later, my alarm clock woke me up for real. FML
Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, I woke up next to a slumbering girl I had just met the night before. She had all the covers on top of her and I was cold. Not only was I cold, but the sheets were really cold. So I got up and realized she'd peed a drunken night's worth of beer all over my sheets. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
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Top comments
zadok24 11
Well, at least it's not dry anymore
Attacksloth 33
Well at least you know you can still make women wet for you.
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Comments (70)
dangousity 21
Ohhhhhhh burn
justsayingbeach 15
She sounds great ? you deserve a disease
vikky538 29
Thats one way out of dry spell and get wet.
whynotbliss 18
Hey, look at it this way... You think she's hot... And she is clearly obtainable and honest.
itzjstnx 18
hey , at least she's amazingg and beautiful (:
Levvy 22
Introducing the FML version of the Humblebrag.
opiate_ape 10
She's a keeper
nandu1992 15
Did you actually wake up? Or, was it another 'pissing' dream?! :p
SoraHD 9
Its just piss and technically urine isn't even dirty depending on your health and what you eat. If she's a great woman you can look over these things
clickme 17
I don't see the FML here. Sounds like bragging to me. GOOD JOB!