Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was very windy and snowy and the neighborhood's garbage cans were blowing everywhere. I had already brought mine in and I saw my neighbor's being blown away. Thinking I'd be nice, I went out to pick it up. Just before I could however, the wind smashed it into me and I fell on the ice. FML
Today, as I was taking the garbage out, I tripped over my own feet, causing my knee to dislocate in such a way that it shattered the back of my kneecap and fractured my femur. I guess I won't be taking the garbage out again anytime soon. FML
Today, I was taking out the garbage at work when I slipped and fell into the garbage container. The scent was so bad that a bus driver denied me a ride home. FML
Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML
Today, my mom told me to take out the trash. I thought it would be a good idea to Hulk-smash it into the can. I missed. The bag ripped and garbage flew everywhere. FML
Today, I was changing the garbage at a local fast food place where I work. Being a rather short guy, I had to lean back and fling the full, heavy bag at the top. I did so with such force that my head hit the dumpster, knocking me out. FML
Today, I was shovelling snow out of my driveway and broke my shovel. So I tried cleaning the driveway with a garbage lid. That broke too. Now I'm out snow shovel, AND a garbage lid. FML
Today, I was taking a dump at the Home Depot. After I was finished, I was bent over and pulling the toilet paper out of the holder. I pulled too hard, causing the dispenser lid to fling open and smack me on the back of the head. FML
Today, I slipped and fell on the ice while attending a community event for work. A man came to help me up, and I farted really loudly. FML
Today, I gave the back door a slight nudge to make sure it was latched shut. Of course, it flew wide open, causing me to smash my face into the doorframe, fall out onto the back porch writhing in pain, and have blood pissing out of my face. FML
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Top comments
rawr_iliketacos 0
i hate it when people don't use past tense.
Mx_Rider 6
LMFAO this fml is full of fail. from the moment you started typing to the part where you busted your damn nose :D
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Comments (130)
haxxor 0
haha you must feel like garbage fyl
hbkkbh6h8 0
lol
liveurlife512 0
shouldve given up
perdix 31
Dumpster-diving can be dangerous -- the hobos make it look easy.
WordsOfHope 0
agree with17
VanessaVander 2
daaamn that sux! fyl
Mx_Rider 6
lmao! i moderated this fml below VVVV Today, snickerdoodles touched me in my special place, FML
kaydee085 0
lmao
Mx_Rider 6
@ 27 you have amazing eyes :D
WordsOfHope 0
@30 freak
Ajjas013 6
@66 Freak.
deadsrs 0
he's no freak it's moderately not a lie!
Mx_Rider 6
troll fail.
quinz 4
Your switching of tenses makes my empathy level go down a lot.
AngryNinja 1
the fact that op is Norwegian could cause this to happen. English is probably not their first language.
Ajjas013 6
Ninja, OP busted his nose on purpose so he could have something to write about.
AngryNinja 1
what a spotlight junkie. psh.
afarr 0
yeah, i pull my dick off all the time to put it on fml. FML
AngryNinja 1
you only have a strap-on? i'm so sorry. :(
Peroxide 3
The start "Today, it was my turn to take out the trash" made me think the OP was Arnold Schwarzenegger but this fml is as bad as Kindergarten Cop. Who is your daddy and what does he do?
afarr 0
mah choppa is 4 hookers only. Mercy; you're an exception ;)
Bugatti_Veyron 1
ydi for living in an apartment. if your parents weren't lazy fatasses and had real jobs maybe this wouldn't have happened!
MF12 0
you know we ARE still in a recession- oh wait. you don't know what that is, right? well, see it's when a bunch of people's mommies and daddies lose their jobs because their work place doesn't have much money. still don't understand? well, you're a spoiled rich brat who thinks the world owes you something. guess what! it doesn't.
pyroplatypus 3
Bugatti you fail at life Perhaps the OP A) Owns a condo B) Is living at university C) Has one of those neighborhoods where each street has a dumpster so that the dump trucks only have to stop at each street instead of each house D) Lives in a city where houses are out of most people's price ranges (kinda of like in NY - how many people in NYC do you think actually have a house?) E) Just prefers living in an apartment (no utilities to pay for in a lot of cases, the building owner has to take care of most issues and malfunctions, less responsibilities with the city, etc.) How is where the OP lives any of your business?
amatayo 0
I'm sure that's your car idiot
Bugatti_Veyron 1
all of you don't diserve to live in a country with such great opertunites if your to stupid and lazy to take advantage of them!