Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML
Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
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Top comments
bethrh 49
There must have been a lot of chemistry.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*
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Comments (235)
AlwaysWatching 27
Haha to "spice" things up with the salt
syed121417 22
That's just stupid to do that
Tessa_11 19
Why would you let him do that?
hazardmuffin 21
Oh wow, I cringe just thinking about it. You're husband apparently isn't too bright, but YDI if you LET him do it.
regenerate 19
that doesn't sound healthy.
kiki9_fml 10
How could you have been stupid enough to let him do that?!
gabriellemary 2
What in the actual hell
alitzia_e123 7
That's not safe
Jakob2255 12
wow someone knows how to read the warning label. why she even thought this would end well
CorriePaige 2
You do realize that the vaginal wall is very thin and will absorb what goes up there? And that bath salts are chemicals and not good for absorption or ingestion? If I were you I'd go to a hospital ASAP.
ileenefudge 29
That would be an...interesting story to tell the doctors....