Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML
Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML
Today, my husband asked me to wax his ass crack for him. It might have been funny or maybe even a kinky experience a few years ago, but now I had to navigate the wax around his haemorrhoid, which did start bleeding. I don’t get why he even wanted a smooth crack at our age. FML
Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML
Today, in order to have a nice relaxing bubble bath, I lit candles, played soothing music, and poured myself a glass of wine. Just as I was about to get in, I slipped on a patch of wet floor, dumped the wine on myself, and fell backward into the tub… that didn't have any water in it. Now I’m soaked in wine and bruised. FML
Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML
Today, my wife left her curling iron on the bed, which was dangerous enough, but I also accidentally sat on it after my shower. Now I have a burn on the bottom of my balls, which has turned into a painful blister. FML
Today, I decided to take a relaxing bubble bath in my jacuzzi. I poured in the bubbles, turned on the jets, and got in. I realized too late that the jets had caused the bubbles to overflow and had made a huge mess in my bathroom. Relaxing, indeed. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Aw shit, that made me wince, that does sound ungodly. That was a close shave if you ask me, you almost turned two holes into one.
happle 21
I really can't imagine two butt cracks... I hope you heal quickly. :)
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Comments (114)
happle 21
I really can't imagine two butt cracks... I hope you heal quickly. :)
jjessen 20
I can. It's not a pretty image.
XxDevilxXGt 26
But the real interesting thing... there were EXTRA BUBBLES!?!
ilovebacteria 6
Do gillette your ass with extra bubbles?
ICastillo 25
You better make sure you wipe them both clean from now on, because nobody likes an itchy crack much less two itchy cracks.
honeybadgerr 9
Oh my god.. The image you just put in my head is beyond revolting
ICastillo 25
Dang honeybadger I've done that a few times to you Here this image will get that bad one out......2 girls 1 cup.
gracehi 33
1.... Ice cream cup?
ICastillo 25
You've never seen 2 girls 1cup look it up gracehi. And I'm sorry ahead of time.
twitch851 9
I couldn't find it... Thank god my friend told me about it though.*shudders*
ICastillo 25
Yeah man I couldn't eat chocolate ice cream for awhile. *gags*
jmacfan1 16
Oh god 2 girls 1 cup. Watching that was the worst mistake ever. Men in black will you please come erase that from my mind?
pinky78711 5
Aww damn it i saw that and the image has now been shoved in my head
perdix 31
What a pain in the ass!
iOceanus 18
No doggy style for a while.
Pleonasm 36
You can't compare two different types of humour, it's not the same type of style of pun. Even if they were comparable you'll find that since, what, '09, perdix has put out jokes and plays on words that are on a different league.
unknown_user5566 27
29- If he's your favorite, you'd think you would be able to spell his name correctly.
iOceanus 18
29) You don't have to think I'm funny because I think I'm funny, and if others think I'm funny, that's a bonus, if not, then that's okay.
unknown_user5566 27
36- I think #29 was referring to perdix, not you.
iOceanus 18
37) Hmmm, you do have a point. He didn't specify, so I guess I got confused :P
Pleonasm 36
Aw shit, that made me wince, that does sound ungodly. That was a close shave if you ask me, you almost turned two holes into one.
loloalltheway 23
I have to say I don't really understand what you say in some of your comments but I thumb them up anyways because I know you try really hard to make them funny :) and often they are :)
rosesdarkblue 0
You cracking me up ;3)
TheRealOF 4
2 Chainz voice- "I now have TWO buttcracks! Truuu" FYL
StalkerChick 13
2 Chainz is the most ignorant bastard out there. But I still love him ^_^ truuuuuu
U_GotitDude 18
No.
1Brucie 2
No Lie :)
aruges93 12
Omg oo that sounds like it hurts that gives me chills :{
aruges93 12
Wow someone Hates me I always get thumbed down
unknown_user5566 27
22- Comments that are not funny/witty/intelligent mixed with little to no punctuation equals you getting thumbed down. It happens.
Codezlol 21
I thumbed you up :)
aruges93 12
Well thanks for that info :)
jessimica642 8
Seriously I don't understand why people think punctuation is so important in FML comments. You can still read what there saying it's not like they are writing an assay or article. The same goes for spelling errors I've seen people write funny/good comments with one silly mistake and that's all people can focus on. Why is there so much negativity on here instead of pointing out mistakes people made writing out there comments enjoy the joke or whatever or move on.
ManInTheMachine 20
^ The rules say 'TXT language is forbidden'. Not frowned upon, FORBIDDEN. Besides, nobody wants to read a comment that looks like a semi-literate four year old wrote it. To quote another commenter, 'get literate or get the **** out'.
Pleonasm 36
47 why doesn't it surprise me that you are lobbying for laxness when your spelling, grammar and punctuation skills are sorely lacking.
jessimica642 8
I didn't say anything about text lingo because yeah that's super annoying. But having a few little mistakes really shouldn't matter for the comments on here and yeah 50 I couldn't spell to save my life if it wasn't for spell check I'd be lost. There are lots of people like that, doesn't make us illiterate. Obviously you can read what I'm writing now so what's the big deal? I'm not saying its ok to be sloppy with your comments just that if someone's made a small mistake give them a break because really it doesn't matter.
ManInTheMachine 20
I agree that minor grammatical errors are fine as long as the rest is coherent. People make mistakes, we're all human. But if it's something stupidly simple like mixing up your and you're, or their, there and they're, I feel it SHOULD be pointed out, not necessarily to ridicule the commenter (provided they're not being douche bags themselves), but to educate them so they know for next time. In terms of the text lingo, it may not have been what you were referring to, but it's what the original commenter was using, and has used before. So it still applies.
Pleonasm 36
Ok, I'll admit I'm being a little harsh, however it does grate on your nerves after so many users abusing this site's rules. As MITM said, it's necessary to correct truly bad mistakes; people learn from it anyway. And blatant text speech abusers or horrible writers should be put in their place.
mikepzz 27
haha oh my.. I bet it looked like you got attacked by jaws
thinis33 6
Oh geez that made my ass cheek ache!!!!! Kick him in the balls and call it even
FilleNoir 21
Why would she do that? It's not like he did it on purpose.
Pleonasm 36
8 Stop being so butt-hurt.
xXxSCREAMxXx 3
20- so much win...
poetrywriter12 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Maybe you can get something out of your husband for that! ;)
mydadpulledout 17
It wasn't good enough that he at least tried to do something nice and pour her a bubble bath? I don't think I can name one guy I've heard of doing that for his lady.
brat88 3
My fiancé does it
phatdaddy62 23
Your fiancé will be coming out after you get married!
zojieeu 6
Never had enough of butt cracks :0