Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML
Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
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Top comments
bethrh 49
There must have been a lot of chemistry.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*
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Comments (235)
RadKayRae 8
That sucks that you have to put bath salts in your ****** to "spice it up". Not sure if that's safe as well.
moriartywasreal 11
Isn't it even bad for your ****** to have bath salts in the bath at all? It may have been a mistake to put them up your ******.. .-. Hope everything's okay "down there"
rocker_chick23 27
You're 100% correct. The doctors and OBGYN's tell women not to use scented products on their ******, or take a bubble bath. It's too irritating.
bobbifein55 4
Ohhh myyyyyy!
lucy9933 2
...................
FrankHotpants 31
Be careful with those bath salts, last person who used them incorrectly tried to eat guys face.
blackonblight 33
No. The people who do bath salts end up naked on the highway screaming that they're being chased by electricity, or naked wedged in a pipe halfway up a cliff, or running through a crowded intersection stripping and punching cars. Face eater wasn't on bath salts. Bath salts are almost always naked crazy stories. Except for the one where the woman had just given birth and decided that it was time for bath salts while the kid was away and then she attacked a nurse. But usually they end up naked or partially nude. Often requiring multiple taser hits to take them down. Weird news is one of my interests, you see.
Bloobloke 12
I really hope OP responds. I would love to know why she let him do this and what exactly her husband thought it would do. I've been wracking my brain and I just can't find anything positive.
rocker_chick23 27
My husband and I have been wracking our brains around this and we can not think of an explanation for their stupidity.
underguarded 20
If that's 'spicing things up' I've been having sex wrong my whole life.
viva_la_blondes 15
That sounds absolutely stupid and painful
nevillesisthenam 7
that doesnt sound comfortable :/
Mandybruin 15
You're definitely a candidate for the TLC show, Sex Sent Me to the ER.