Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML
Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
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Top comments
bethrh 49
There must have been a lot of chemistry.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*
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Comments (235)
Mynamewontfi 40
I fail to see how something like that can be seen as "spicing things up". Wouldn't that just feel very uncomfortable?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Really though, all bullshit aside: Unless you like pain, why would you put any type of SALT in what is essentially a GIANT FUCKNG GASH IN YOUR BODY? The ****** is strong, but not that strong.
laurenasabutton 26
Hello yeast infection.
pandalover69 26
I once got massage oil up there, it was awful, I can't imagine why anyone would put salt in there, it's extra sensitive in there! OP you're a moron and ydi.
squidgy787 22
Why in the hell would you let him do that and how is that supposed to spice anything up? I sincerely hope you ended up flushing that out because you likely just set yourself up for an infection or chemical reaction at the very least.
little_one 20
Things you put in your ******: tampons, dicks, sex toys, medication, diaphragm, and other birth control methods. Things you don't put in your ****** BATH SALT! And tons of other things. Use your common sense. (-_-)
Earths_Venus 25
Next time try ice cubes.
junkman6 22
New variant of the "screaming seagull."
lysx84 24
I fail to see how this is possible without your consent and assistance. YDI.
DocBastard 40
I can't decide who is the bigger idiot - him for coming up with the stupid idea, or you for allowing it.
blackonblight 33
Her for allowing it. He could have the excuse of it being an intelligence test she failed. They both get the dunce cap, however.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Like pop rocks? For the love of god stay away form any soda!
WellThatSucked89 13
Oh my god! Why?! I cringe at the IDEA, much less allowing it! Your poor ******... it didn't stand a chance!
Dumbledora 9
How in the hell is this "sexy?" You are most likely going to get an infection. I'm sorry, but this is dumb enough to be a "sex tip" in one of those Cosmo magazines.
amisenho 11
That's what I thought of as soon as I read this FML. It sounds like something OP or her husband pulled out of one of those fashion magazines that claims it's "the expert's Bible on sex".
tman1985 9
or the sunday night sex show, hosted by some old bag
cbroady0529 9
Shut your mouth, Sue knows what's up!
gc327072 31
I can picture this as a tweet: "Damn I'm salty AF rn"