Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I woke up, I got into the bath that my boyfriend had prepared for me. I particularly appreciated its smell, so I asked him what he'd used. "I couldn't find the usual bath salts you use, so I just used what I could." It's official, I've taken a Alka-Seltzer flavored bath. FML
Today, in the attempt to have a relaxing self-care evening, I ran a bath, threw in some bath salts then put a face mask on and hopped on in. After about 7 minutes of relaxing, my back started burning, so I got out only to discover the bath salts have given me a rash. FML
Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, I tried to relieve my back pain by lounging in a jacuzzi at my mother's house. All was going well until I accidentally knocked an opened container of bath salts into the tub, which got sucked into the jet system, shooting tiny, sharp, barely dissolved pieces of salt into my back. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
bethrh 49
There must have been a lot of chemistry.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Salt. in your... ******...? Is this a common thing or is it just you, because all I can imagine it feeling like is having sand stuck in there. *vaginal cringe*
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (235)
Narttu 20
You totally deserve this for letting him do it. Nothing but clean water, tampons, fingers and penises should go near your ******. Not even soap unless your gynaecologist tells you to use it. I kind of hope you get thrush or something equally irritating as a result, serves you right for being so stupid.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
What about a tongue? ;D
amisenho 11
What about toys? ;D
Narttu 20
Forgot about tongue and toys!
reaxion 25
Inventive and creative? Absolutely! A smart idea? Not so much. Lots of chemicals in those things, so I hope your hoohah doesn't suffer too much.
RedPillSucks 33
Your husband was trying to turn you into a giant margarita? Bad idea all around
MissMarjori3 10
I don't see why you'd let him do that. It was clearly a bad idea beforehand.
damnit1989 16
Is have to say YDI for letting him put them there.... That cannot be healthy
aruden 25
I don't see why everyone thinks the husband is the moron, she deserves it because she had to have consented to that idea thinking it would work.
Rianokami 22
... what? WHY?
ahsanmasood 4
what???? why would he do that???? why would you let him do that?
daisyflame 8
May I suggest a trip to a sex store next time to "spice it up" OP...bath salts in the Va-JJ????? What were you thinking?! Or should I say...why weren't YOU thinking?
scice03 8
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT.